The Very Pink of Perfection
by librastar
Summary: What do some random Naruto characters, a takoyaki dragon and a bunch of obsessed fangirls all have in common? This is the guild called Fairy Tail and this is the story of their life-after the manga has ended... Only this time round, instead of Natsu looking for a dragon, he's going to be looking for a pink-haired girlfriend! Natsu/Sakura with a pinch of GraLu. Crack fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **In view of the utter ridiculousness of this story, I must strongly state that I do not own Naruto or Fairy Tail or How I Met Your Mother- each are the copyright of their respective owners: Masashi Kishimoto, Hiro Mashima, Craig Thomas and Carter Bays. All characters, descriptions, names, places and references are the copyright of the owners, and everything else is simply a figment and work of my imagination.

**Summary:**Shoujo rom-coms and Natsu Dragneel don't get along well. Throw in some random Naruto characters, a kilogram of takoyaki, a bunch of obsessed fan girls and voila, we have a recipe for absolute chaos! Natsu/Sakura crack fic with some GraLu. Also includes bits of humorous Juvia and Fairy Tail fangirl bashing, and some reality TV trolling.

**Category**: Fairy Tail/Naruto Crossover

**Genre:** Humour/Parody/slight Romance

**Rating:** T for minor minor swearing and innuendo

**WARNING:**Let me repeat once again that this is a CRACK fic and is strictly not to be considered in relation to any canon material – this story is merely a result of twisted plot bunnies hopping around in my imagination and my desire to write a Natsu/Sakura fic centred around their hair colour (Pinkshipping has a certain ring to it yes?). I'm not making any predictions on how the manga will end, its just crack after all.

**The Very Pink of Perfection**

"The very pink of perfection."_-Oliver Goldsmith, 1730-1774_

_Fairy Tail- a guild where the brave of heart and the fleet of foot reside; a place where the wondrous and the fantastic never cease to exist. _

_A guild where countless legends were created, and continue to be. _

_A guild where dreams continue to be painted on the canvas of the future, shimmering with the colours of pride and justice. _

_Where golden bonds that will never be broken by the axe of time are forged from the iron of adversity on the anvil of hope. _

_It is a place where you can continue reaching for the stars hand-in-hand, because the sky is no longer the limit. _

_This is the guild called Fairy Tail- and this is the story of their life…._

_After the manga/anime has ended._

* * *

"Bob, the Master

Can he fix it?

Bob, the Master

YES HE CAN!"

"AHHH! Shut it off!" Lucy Heartfilia couldn't help scowling at the sight of the pink-spaghetti top wearing, wing-bearing Blue Pegasus Guild Master twirling on the guild's TV screen while a crowd of Blue Pegasus mages belted out the words to the annoying theme song of 'The Fairy Tail Spin-Off: My Little Blue Pegasus!' "Mira-san, surely there's something better that we can watch," she pleaded, making her best puppy-dog eyes at the guild's barmaid. "I don't think my eyes can take any more of this horror!" Luckily, she turned her eyes away just in time to avoid seeing Master Bob blowing flirtatious kisses to an imaginary audience while his chorus of Mages swooned and sighed, finishing by planting a big, red kiss on the camera.

Mirajane chuckled as she continued wiping glasses, her deep-blue eyes dancing with amusement at the Celestial Spirit Mage's pitiful expression. The hem of her long, flowing maroon dress made a faint swishing sound as she bustled behind the counter, her right hand collecting the stack of half-empty beer tankards Cana had left over from breakfast while her left continued wiping dry the Guild's prized drink ware. "Don't you think it's funny, Lucy-chan?" she giggled. "After all, the TV Tokyo producers did want to try something with more humour in it!"

"Our show had plenty of humour in it!" Lucy sulked. "We didn't need cross-dressing to make things funny."

A low chuckle sounded to her side, as Lucy suddenly registered that Gray Fullbuster had plopped himself on the stool next to her, lightly brushing his arm against her bare one as he reached for a drink. She shivered involuntarily. "Mira-san, a glass of ice water please!" he called cheerfully. Still chuckling, he turned to the Celestial Spirit Mage, a glimmer of amusement in his dark eyes. "I'm not too sure about how this spin-off will turn out, but the producers were adamant that Master Bob would be a hit with the _alternative_ crowd," he snickered.

"Gray, your clothes!" Mirajane smiled, shaking her head slightly as she handed him his drink. With summer rapidly approaching, she suspected his stripping habit might stretch from being a daily routine to an hourly occurrence, although there certainly wouldn't be many complaints from the girls in the guild!

"Ack!" And as always, the Ice Mage jumped off his bar stool in shock, looking frantically around for his favourite white trench coat. "Lucy, did you take them?"

Heaving what seemed like her thousandth sigh of the day, Lucy passed her dark-haired teammate the set of spare clothes Mirajane kept for him under the bar. As much as she secretly enjoyed the sight of a shirtless (and _very buff_) Gray, she couldn't help wondering why he bothered turning up in any clothes at all when he lost them almost as soon as he put them on. _He probably spends double the amount that any of his girlfriends do on clothing _she mused, before blushing again at the thought of 'Gray' and 'girlfriends' in one sentence.

"Besides Lucy, I thought you wanted to watch the show since you were so bored," the white-haired mage grinned, flicking the volume a little higher and trying not to dissolve into giggles again as the screen panned to a shot of the Blue Pegasus mages breaking into another song and dance number with Master Bob shuffling to the tune of "I'm Sexy and I Know It".

Lucy covered her ears but to no avail, as the annoyingly chirpy tune pervaded every corner of the Guild building- not surprising as Mirajane had turned the volume to maximum. "Natsu was the one that was bored, not me!" she wailed, briefly wondering if she should summon and hide inside Horologium until the hour was over and the show had ended, and Mirajane had had enough fun teasing her.

Taking pity on Lucy, Gray stood up and switched the TV off. The sudden silence that followed was ironically, the most beautiful thing Lucy had ever heard. She smiled gratefully at him, to which he responded with a cheeky wink and smile that had her heart skip another beat.

Mirajane quickly hid her disappointment at not being able to watch Master Bob and Blue Pegasus further humiliate themselves on TV Tokyo, but consoled herself with the fact that there was going to be another rerun at 8pm later that night. Changing the subject, she asked, "So Natsu's bored, you say?"

"Mira-san, that's an understatement to say the least!" the Spirit Mage wailed again, clutching fistfuls of her silky blonde locks in exasperation. "In the past five days since filming for Fairy Tail ended, he's picked 150 fights with Gray, made 145 challenges to Gildarts, 130 to Laxus, 118 to Gajeel and 1 to Erza!"

"Only 1 to Erza?"

"She taught him a lesson he would never forget after the first time, and he never asked again!" Despite herself, she couldn't stop a smile from spreading across her pretty features at the memory of a screaming Natsu dangling from the roof of his cottage, begging Erza to put him down as the heartless Titania continued swinging the Dragon Slayer upside down in dizzying circles and threatening to put him on a never-ending train ride to the end of Earthland if he didn't stop issuing pointless challenges to the Guild's elite.

The S-class mage shook her head at Natsu's antics, smiling ruefully, "He's only going to get worse you know, Lucy."

"I know," the blonde moaned, fiddling agitatedly with the laces of her black suede boots. "He keeps coming over to my apartment at all times of the day and night saying he's restless and while he's busy throwing a hissy-fit, Happy's busy stealing anything remotely fishy from my fridge!" Kneading her temples, she sighed again. "I can't understand why he's having so many withdrawal symptoms, I actually like not having a camera crew following us around all the time, filming our every move."

"You know how Natsu is," Mirajane shrugged sympathetically, reaching behind to refill a tankard of beer as she spotted Macao walking towards them. "He thrives on attention; not being in the spotlight after being the star of the show for five years has obviously reduced him to feeling a little lost."

Lucy pouted. "But it's about time we got on with our lives again, with being just Fairy Tail, not Fairy Tail- the anime! Besides, I think that final battle with all the dragons is more than enough excitement for a lifetime!"

"It was, wasn't it," Mira agreed, handing the overflowing tankard of beer to Macao. "That epic showdown where Natsu, Wendy and Gajeel teamed up with Igneel, Grandeeney and Metalicana lasted for at least fifty episodes!"

"Well, I think viewers would have felt short-changed if Acnologia was able to be defeated so easily and in such a short space of time," the younger mage replied. "And anyhow, that final arc was so good we managed to score an average rating of 9.8 per episode on Crunchyroll!" _And_ d_on't forget we managed to knock both Bleach and One Piece off the top of the best-seller list for three weeks running too, mmmph_! She giggled silently_. _

"Well, starring on a hit TV show for five years is great and all, but I won't pretend it's nice _not_ to be watched by millions of people all around the world," Gray grinned. "Maybe now I'll finally stop getting all those letters from mothers telling me to stop stripping because it constitutes to sexual harassment for their underage daughters watching the show!" As he bent down to retie his combat bootlaces, he paused to whisper something into her ear. "It also leaves a lot more time to _pursue other interests_, na Lucy?" His hot breath ghosting over her sensitive lobe coupled with his suggestive tone caused another thrill to run down her spine. Kami-sama if he didn't stop right now, she just might start hyperventilating. And right on cue, he gave her another dazzling wink to which she thought her last prediction might just come true.

From behind a secluded pillar, Juvia sighed dreamily she clutched a hand over her heart. _Juvia is glad too, Gray-sama, that now Juvia can stalk Gray-sama 24 hours a day, 7 days a week without having Juvia herself and the whole world watch Juvia stalk Gray-sama on TV every week! It also means he won't be spending so much time around Lucy now that they don't have to be on the same team anymore! _The bluenette's rapturous expression suddenly turned murderous as she noticed the lingering looks that her beloved had been bestowing on the pretty Celestial Spirit Mage, the two Mages sitting a little too close together for Juvia's comfort. _Lucy is Juvia's love-rival, Juvia will not let Lucy win Gray-sama for herself! _she swore, clenching her fists tightly_. Juvia must redouble her stalking efforts!_ _Lucy-san may try to take a bath with Gray-sama, Juvia must get round to drilling that spy-hole in Gray-sama's bathroom…and the bedroom, and the kitchen…._

"I can eat more than ONE piece of strawberry cheesecake every day now!" Blissfully unaware of the monstrous killer intent radiating from the pillar behind her, Lucy blinked a little startledly as Fairy Tail's other S-Class female mage walked up to the counter, clutching what had to be the most enormous cheesecake anyone had ever seen. The redhead sat down next to Gray and began shoving huge forkfuls into her mouth at lightning speed, while Lucy and the rest of the guild could only gape in awe. (_That cheesecake has got to be bigger than Reedus! Shut up Jet, do you want Levy to hear you saying things like that_?!) "The producers were afraid that a female eating too much cake would scare off the guys. And ruin my figure," she snorted.

"I can be a Man now without producers telling me what THEY think being a Man should be like," Elfman declared, punching the air with a victorious fist.

"And Gray can finally strip down _without_ his boxers," Cana snickered. "No more having to keep them on so that the show can be rated PG!"

_OOOOHHH!_ Juvia nearly fainted at the thought of a naked Gray, her imagination going into hyper drive as she imagined him in lying in all in his glory in her bath tub, covered in nothing but several strategically placed patches of bubble foam.

Juvia, _he called, a sexy smirk adorning his chiselled features._ _With his dazzling, sparkling eyes and abnormally glowing skin, he was Juvia's vision of absolute perfection. _"It's getting a little too hot in here," _he purred, beckoning a finger to her_. "…why don't you let me cool things down a little for you?"

_OOOOHHHHHH! _

Lucy jumped a little at the huge _thump!_ that suddenly sounded behind her. Craning her neck, she was puzzled to see the prone form of Juvia splayed on the floor, little hearts madly dancing in front of her eyes. _Strange._

In reality however, the Ice Mage was not amused. "Better to be naked than to be accused of being fashion-handicapped by only wearing one sleeve, na Natsu?" He cracked his knuckles gleefully, knowing the short-fused Natsu would definitely rise to the bait. However much he was glad their TV show had ended, he had to admit life had been somewhat boring without having a ready-written adventure every day. "You'd think an S-Class Mage such as yourself would earn enough money to be able to afford a shirt with two sleeves!"

Everyone's head automatically swivelled towards the pink-haired Dragon Slayer who had been fast asleep under a table until then, a big raspberry blowing out of his left nostril with each snort. He suddenly shot bolt upright, eyes wide with surprise. "Did someone say my name?"

"Gray said you have no fashion sense because you only wear one sleeve," Happy supplied helpfully as the roseate Dragon Slayer's eyes narrowed at his long-time rival; who only smirked tauntingly in return.

"You want to go at it, droopy-eyes?"

"I'd like to see you try it, flame-breath!"

"There they go again," Lucy muttered dully as the pair started grappling and scuffling around the Guild floor, knocking over Elfman, who knocked over Gajeel, who in turn knocked over Macao…and before long things escalated into the usual pandemonium until Master had to use his Titan to knock some sense into everyone (literally).

And it wasn't even mid-morning yet.

A bruised and scratched Natsu slumped onto the counter next to her, gingerly touching his rapidly swelling left-cheek. "I'm bored," he whined.

Lucy glared. "You're only telling me for the 185,423,769th time this week! Why don't you go and do a job if you're so bored?"

He shrugged. "It's strange, but for the first time in my life I feel so…unmotivated. There are no TV cameras following my every move, so I don't need to put on a show for them. I'm already an S-Class Mage. I managed to find Igneel again. We destroyed Zeref and Acnologia with the help of the dragons. We exterminated Oracion Seis and the rest of the dark guilds. What else is there left to do?"

"The next logical thing to do would be to get married and start a family!"

Lucy choked on her lemonade as she watched Natsu's horrified face at Mirajane's cheery pronouncement. Gray snickered from across the room, where he was busy icing the bruises he'd sustained from the skirmish with Natsu.

"Na Mira-san…why would I want to do something like that?" Natsu shook his head in utter confusion.

The white-haired mage beamed down at him. "Isn't it everybody's dream to get married, have kids and start a family? Even Mashima-sensei intended for you to do that, why else would he write in a wedding scene for you and Lucy in the final chapter of the manga?" She clasped her hands together joyfully as she started imagining little pink haired, brown-eyed babies running around the Guild, setting everything and everyone on fire. _Kawaii!_

The Dragon Slayer spluttered wildly as Happy attempted to pat his back. "That was because at the last Anime Convention, 80% of his female readers threatened to abandon the manga and the anime if he didn't write in a "NaLu" pairing in the ending," he sulked. "It doesn't mean it's true in real life though, Lucy's just my _nakama_!" He nudged her. "Na, Lucy?"

Before she could answer, Gray chimed in as well, "Those fangirls are such an annoyance, they also threated to stop supporting us if Mashima-sensei didn't give them a…what do you call it, "Gruvia" pairing? I hate it when they try to pair us up with random people just to satisfy their twisted little minds!"

Juvia felt her heart shatter into a million little pieces at his statement. _Gray-sama, how could you do this to Juvia! Juvia isn't some "random person", Juvia is Gray-sama's future bride!_

Feeling her heart skip a little involuntarily at Gray's words, Lucy turned back in relief to Natsu. "Don't worry, it's just for the fans," she soothed. Only Mirajane noticed the fleeting glance she threw in Gray's direction. Picturing little blonde-haired, dark-eyed babies running around turning everyone and everything into ice, the Take Over specialist couldn't help going into raptures again. _Kawaiiii!_

* * *

"Na, Happy…do you think maybe its time we tried doing a 10-year mission?"

It was another lazy summer afternoon, and Natsu and Happy were just about to step outside for some ice cream.

"Natsu!" His blue Exceed companion was visibly shocked. "I don't think you're ready yet!"

"But I'm so boreddddd," Natsu groaned, running a hand through his already rumpled pink locks and scrunching up his face. "There are no more bad guys to kill, and the jobs we have are all so easy; I've been doing nothing but chasing down petty criminals and finding lost artefacts for the last 5 weeks!"

The tiny cat shrugged. "Maybe Mirajane has a point Natsu…you should find yourself a girlfriend, then you won't be so bored. What about Lucy? I'm sure she liiiiiiiikes you!"

Natsu glared down at the Exceed. "I don't need a girlfriend, and Lucy is just my _nakama_, nothing more than that."

"What about Lisanna then? I'm sure she liiiiiiiiiiikes you as we…"

"Natsu-san!"

He jumped at the sudden shout. Happy peeked round from the large salmon head he was currently hiding behind.

"Phone call for you!" Wendy Marvell waved at him from the entrance of the Guild.

He grumbled. "But we were just about to head out for ice-cre…"

The indigo-haired Dragon Slayer gestured frantically. "It's from the TV Tokyo producers, they want to talk to you about starring in a new show!"

"YOSH! Looks like we're back in business!" He started sprinting back to the Guild's Entrance, nearly knocking over Wendy in his excitement and leaving a bemused Happy in a cloud of dust. "I'M ALL FIRED UP NOW!"

* * *

"_NANI_?!"

Natsu suddenly realised that he couldn't breath. Another droplet of sweat trickled down his pale face, his forehead glistening with the light sheen of his sudden cold sweat. Balling his fists, he was mortified to see that they were literally shaking.

He was _trembling_. In _fear_.

Not since Igneel had left him all those years ago in X777 had he ever felt this panicky.

"Now Dragneel-san, there's no need to act so shocked…" one of the producers lifted up a hand, almost as if he wanted to reassure the petrified Dragon Slayer.

"…but really, you have to understand that this idea is too good to resist!" Another one chimed in, his grin stretched so wide across his face Natsu was half afraid it might snap like one of Romeo's slingshot bands.

"Dragneel-san, you know we can't ignore the fangirls' requests. After all, they're the ones keeping the manga, DVD and chibi figurines sales alive…"

"…Not to mention that thanks to all the hype after the anime finale, we've managed to sell almost 500,000 fluffy Natsu toys!"

Natsu groaned, wishing he could put a hand to his ears and drown those b*stards out _lalalala…._

"Dragneel-san," the first producer ventured timidly again, his voice barely audible against the cacophony of the other producers' excited jabbering. "Surely you know that the ratings for My Little Blue Pegasus were absolutely abysmal. It just goes to show that the public doesn't want Master Bob, they want more Natsu!"

"Yes, more Natsu," the Dragon Slayer growled. "I thought that you were going to create a Fairy Tail spin-off, or renew the show for another season…"

"Now now Dragneel-san," the second producer admonished, wagging a finger dangerously close to the irate mage's face. "Your _mangaka_, Mashima-sensei has already stated that he's done with you and your little friends. You know that he wants to concentrate on that new series starring Plue. Even if we were to renew your show for another season, it would all be fillers, and the ratings then would be even worse than for Blue Pegasus!"

"But why a SHOUJO ROM-COM?" The roseate suddenly bawled, slamming his fists onto the handsome wooden table and making everyone jump backwards 10 feet.

"With all due respect, Dragneel-san, they're all the rage now…"

"Not just in Japan, but all over the world…"

"Have you even seen The Bachelorette, it's my favourite show!"

"I'm a traditionalist, give me When Harry Met Sally any day over those ridiculous reality shows…"

"Eve...every…everyone!" It was the timid producer again- _was he the boss around here despite sounding like Wendy? _There was a sudden pause in the conversation.

"You're all correct- which is why our new show is going to be a fusion of both! A reality show, but a good-old fashioned one full of love, passion, adventure- a charming, dashing young man goes off in search of his one true love…all captured on live television of course. It will be an absolute hit with the fangirls, I can promise you that!"

Natsu thought he actually saw him blink away a tear.

Everyone began talking again, but he waved his hand again.

"But wait! There's more to it."

The babbling died down in an instant.

"Everyone- this show is going to be a crossover, a historic one-of-a-kind, never-before-seen collaboration between two of Japan's most beloved anime casts!" He paused for breath, in what was obviously a pathetic attempt to be dramatic. _Rather ironic given his profession_, Natsu thought somewhat idly.

"This show is going to be an alliance of the most epic proportions, featuring some of the world's best loved heroes…This is going to be a crossover between Fairy Tail…and NARUTO!"

Silence.

Natsu felt his jaw drop open.

_Naruto?! Wasn't that some sort of…detergent? Oh wait no that was Bleach. A...a…a fishcake?_

The lead producer looked a little put out. "I thought it would be an excellent way to boost ratings. Think about it- a joint effort between Naruto and Fairy Tail would attract fangirls oops I meant viewers from both fandoms, our viewer count and ratings would go through the roof!"

"I LIKE IT!" The second producer burst in. "That's settled then, this project is going ahead!"

The obvious excitement in the room began to burst forth in torrents, and Natsu found himself staring around bewilderedly as everyone began talking at the top of their voices around him.

"This show will be just what we need to get back onto the Prime Time slots again…"

"…It could be the greatest thing since Dragon Ball Z…"

"…finally overtake One Piece…"

"_NOW WAIT A MINUTE_!" he suddenly roared.

The room stopped again.

Producer No. 2 glared at him. "Dragneel-san, surely you see the brilliance of this…"

"I refuse to do it."

The sudden silence permeating the room was eerily tangible.

The Dragon Slayer had stood up from his chair, fists clenched, a familiarly stubborn expression on his face.

When Natsu was in that kind of mood, no one dared to cross paths with him. Not even Erza. Not if they didn't want to be roasted to a cinder.

But the TV Tokyo producers weren't Erza, and they were not to be deterred. They didn't have a hundred different types of armour and weapons to requip into, but they had other "weapons" up their sleeve.

* * *

Half an hour later, he slumped down on his chair, sulking. Those damn producers had babbled on about suing him for "beach of contact", threatened to freeze him out of future royalty payments and thrown all sorts of legal mumbo-jumbo jargon at him that he had no idea about. But one thing was clear: he was going to have to do it, OR ELSE.

* * *

"What, another show? So fast?" Gray Fullbuster scratched the back of his head awkwardly, his lips pursed in obvious surprise. "And a _shoujo_ rom-com to boot?"

The Dragon Slayer shrugged moodily. "If you think that's bad, wait until you hear the plot."

"I can hardly wait," Erza smirked, tucking into what must have been her tenth cheesecake of the day. Lucy continued to gape in stupefied awe at her teammate, idly wondering if her Heart Kreuz armour had a secret elastic waist because _surely_ no one could eat about a kilogramme's worth of cheesecake and not feel their stomach literally expand. "It must be really funny if it's gotten you so _fired up_."

Natsu glared at the Requip Mage, but luckily for him she didn't see it. Lucy bent down and picked up the crumpled sheaf of papers he had been crushing in his fist; presumably the script for the new "show".

Flicking the first page open, she began to read aloud.

"Natsu: Kids, I'm going to tell you an incredible story…

…the story of how I met your mother/_kaa-san_."

She looked up at him, her jaw dropping wide in shock. "What kind of show is this?"

"AAARRRGHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO DO THIS!"

Punching a huge hole in the wall (_Please Natsu, we just rebuilt the Guild yesterday!_) and shooting off a giant fireball _(Fire Dragon's Roar!)_ which had everyone scrambling for cover, he stormed off while the rest of Team Natsu huddled around her, peering at the crinkled pages with more than an unhealthy interest as to what future humiliations lay in store for their doomed teammate.

Gray started reading again.

"You know, ever since we were in Fairy Tail it had always been Gray, Lucy, Erza and me. Now it's going to be Gray and Lucy, Erza and Jellal…and me. They're all going to go off, get married, start a family and before you know it, I'm that middle-aged Dragon Slayer bachelor guy they call "Natsu-_ojisan_".

The Ice Mage started cracking up, snorting with laughter as he clutched his sides. "Oh sh*t, this sounds like good stuff!"

Lucy on the other hand, was flushing bright pink at the mention of herself and Gray.

"Give me that!" Erza almost snatched the thing right out of a momentarily stunned Lucy's hand, her smirk growing wider as she quickly scanned the rest of the pages. Finally, she announced to the rest of a startled Guild: "I think we're in for a very interesting summer viewing program."

* * *

"Igneel…do you really have to leave me again?"

The great scarlet dragon reached down and touched his snout to Natsu's wild mop of pink spikes, a deep throaty hum emanating from his being. The Dragon Slayer reached out to run his hands across the shiny crimson scales dotting his foster father's enormous length, shafts of light dancing across them and making his body glow with the reflection of a thousand vermilion sparks. He clutched the scale-patterned white scarf knotted around his neck tightly, almost as if he wanted to forcefully choke back the wave of emotions that were threatening to spill over and out of him.

"Hurry up you big cry-baby, we don't have time to stand around all day che!" The harsh, gravelly tones of Metalicana suddenly cut in, tempered with evident impatience at the extended farewell. It was no surprise where Gajeel had inherited his monstrous temper from then. "Paradise Island is a month-long flight from here!"

"Igneel…" Natsu felt his eyes brim over with tears, hurriedly wiping them away before anyone else could see. _He's leaving me again…and just when I thought I'd found him, we would never be separated again…_

"Don't cry, Natsu," the fire-dragon rumbled, small puffs of smoke escaping from his nostrils. "You know that my dream has always been to sip flaming Lamborghinis and have fire chicken all day on Paradise Island. Besides," he twisted his features in a semblance of a smile. "I have nothing more to teach you. You have gone on to surpass me and every other Mage I have ever known…you are a true Fire Dragon Slayer now. And I am proud to have been your father."

"Igneel…." Tears were freely streaming down his cheeks now.

"I said quit it with the emotional crap, Igneel!" Metalicana was almost beside himself with exasperation now. "The boy will never stop blubbering now that you got started on all this tear-jerking nonsense!"

"Don't be so jealous, Metalicana," Grandeeney smirked, nodding her head at the fuming iron dragon. She shifted her powder-blue wings slightly, yawning a little. "Just because your foster son declined to see you off does not mean you should not extend that same liberty to Igneel and his son."

Metalicana snorted dangerously, but held his tongue after that.

"Natsu."

The roseate-haired Mage blinked a little at the tears that were still pooling around his eyelashes.

"Before I leave, I have a promise I want you to make to me."

Natsu blinked again, but this time in surprise. A mixture of bewilderment and slight anticipation coursed through him, piquing his curiosity.

"Natsu, I want you to get married."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"CUT!" The angry face of Director Baka poked out from behind his Director's Chair, his brows furrowed together in clear annoyance. He waved his arms at the glowering Dragon Slayer, who in turn slammed down the empty bottle marked 'Eye Drops- great for crying!' onto the ground in a blatant show of his disgust. "Igneel would NEVER say or make me do something like that," he growled, baring his teeth. "You're making a mockery of my foster father!"

Gray pulled off the red Igneel dragon mask, fanning himself in relief as the cool air swept over his flushed face. "Actually Natsu, what's so wrong about a father telling his son to get married? I'm sure it's something my father and mother would have wanted me to do, carry on the Fullbuster name and all. Phew, this stupid dragon suit is hot. Why couldn't the damn producers just get in the real things?" The last part was muttered so softly, only Wendy in the Grandeeney costume next to him could hear it.

"And why would anyone want to pass down those stripper genes?" A frustrated Natsu couldn't resist throwing in the jibe at his brunette teammate, he needed an easy outlet for his pent-up rage and humiliation.

"Grrr better than passing down that hot-headed temper of yours!"

"You're asking for it, you snowman stripper!"

"Bring it on, you flame-brained loud-mouth! Ice-Make…"

"Can we get back to it?" Gajeel's voice held a barely controlled hint of petulance in it. "This Metalicana costume is wearing the life out of me!"

Sighing, the Ice-Magic caster broke off his verbal sparring match and covered his face again with the Igneel mask, sinking back down into that stuffy, red inferno of a polyester dragon suit. The thousands of red glass scales sewn onto it shimmered brightly under the glare of the spotlight, blinding anyone who looked too closely at it. "Natsu…," he intoned, deepening his voice a few octaves. "Promise me you'll journey around the world, search every corner of the ocean, land and sky; no matter how long it takes until you find the one who says she'll love you for eternity?" Inwardly, he groaned at the infinitely cheesy lines he was being forced to say. _Who writes this stuff? "_I will always be your father, but it's time you started a family of your own, and raised the next generation of Dragon Slayers."

"I will. Pfft." His pink-haired rival scowled, folding his arms sulkily.

As he watched Igneel/Gray start to "fly" away, the dragon suddenly turned back to him. "Oh and Natsu?"

"Yes, my beloved foster father?" He couldn't keep his voice from dripping with sarcasm anymore.

"Make sure she has pink hair. I've always liked your hair colour, and it really would be a shame if you allowed it to die out like that. After all, countless generations of Dragon Slayers before you have had pink hair. Make sure you keep the tradition going!" With a final wave of his polyester wings, Gray/Igneel shuffled off the set.

"CUTTTTTT!" Director Baka leapt onto the set, applauding wildly as ridiculous tears of happiness began to stream down the flabby folds of his cheeks. "That was beautiful!"

"HMPH!" It was all Natsu could do to stop himself from destroying this farce of a show with the strongest Fire Dragon attack he could muster. _One well placed Fire Dragon's Roar would turn Director Baka into Roasted Baka in no time…_

Levy, who was alternating between narrating the show with Natsu, stepped forward. "And so, forced by the dual pressures of being the only unmarried _oji-san_ in the Fairy Tail Guild and the last mandate from his foster father, Natsu Dragneel set off into the world to look for what promised to be an elusive search for the pink-haired girl his father had spoken of. And this," she paused dramatically. "is where our story really begins." The blue-haired Mage set down her script. "That's the end of Episode 1," she announced, pushing back her reading glasses onto the bridge of her nose. "Director-sama, is that the end of filming for today?"

"Oh yes, yes," he nodded vigorously, wiping down his sweaty brow with a red cloth that Levy distinctly remembered had been used to wipe the dust off the cameras and recording equipment. "Good work, everyone. Tomorrow, we'll be joining up with the rest of the Naruto cast so get ready to leave at the crack of dawn!"

Natsu's eyes bulged. "We're…we're…we're actually going to their world?"

The chubby man nodded, his entire face glowing with anticipation. "Tomorrow- we set off for Konohagakure! It's going to be a twenty-hour train ride…" Natsu blanched at this. "…but for the TV show of the century, sacrifices have to be made! Oh it's going to be epic! I'll be known as the next Steven Spielberg after this baby comes out, that's for sure…" rubbing his hands gleefully, Director Baka swept out of the room, leaving a very tired and somewhat perplexed cast behind.

"Ko...no...ha...ga…ku…re," Gray muttered thoughtfully, stroking his chin. He was back to his semi-naked self, having stripped off the suffocating suit as soon as Director Baka had yelled, "CUT!" "The Village Hidden in the Leaves."

"It's a very pretty name," Levy replied cheerfully, pushing a stray lock of blue hair off her forehead. "I've never watched their show, but I've read the manga and it's supposed to be a beautiful place to live!"

"We'll just have to wait for tomorrow to find out!" Wendy beamed shyly, the Sky Dragon Slayer having also changed out of her blue dragon costume. "But I'd better get ready to cast my T_roia_ on Natsu-san," she glanced worriedly at the older Dragon Slayer, who was beating his fists on the floor, crying loudly. (_Happy, I'm going to kill them all when this show is done! Aye, sir!_) "I don't think he'd be able to survive otherwise."

* * *

"Oi teme!" Sasuke didn't even bother turning around to look at the agitated blonde pacing wildly behind him, a vein visibly twitching on his temple as Naruto felt the need to voice out his frustrations for what was definitely the 100th time in half an hour. "I can't believe even you couldn't convince Tsunade-baachan that taking part in this stupid show is a waste of time!" Wearing a huge pout reminiscent of his genin days where he used to turn up his nose at yet another cat-rescue mission, he sulked at the annoyingly indifferent Uchiha. "Oi teme, you can't even act as if you can be bothered?"

Inwardly cursing Kami-sama for both blessing and cursing him with a hyperactive knucklehead for a best friend, the dark-haired Uchiha's scowl only deepened. "Dobe. You know it's punishment for telling Gai-sensei that the Hokage wanted to be his date for the _Hanabi_ Festival next week since she was pushing 60, and needed to surround herself with the springtime of youth," he mumbled. "Plus the fact that I know she's planning to use the money that TV Tokyo is going to pay Konoha for taking part in this new TV show to replenish her sake stock for the next 10 years." He stretched a little, taking another mouthful of his _onigiri_ and tomato bento. _Couldn't a guy even take a day off without having to involve this idiot loudmouth?_

Naruto felt his own scowl mirror Sasuke's (_Kami, they really must be spending too much time together!) _as he scuffed the open-toes of his ninja sandals along the ground. "They haven't even told us what the show's going to be about, apart from the fact that it's got ugh…_romance_ in it. _Mou_, what is everything coming to if even ninja have to be forced into doing dumb things like this, dattebayo! Sounds like it's even worse than chasing cats!"

Feeling a little wary at what the term 'romance' might have in store for him (he had recently appealed to the Hokage to force a disbandment of his fan club on the grounds of gross invasions of privacy, only for her to laugh in his face dismissively; telling him that Madara's fan club had far outnumbered his anyway), Sasuke secretly hoped it had nothing to do with the rabid mob that gathered outside the Uchiha compound every morning, screaming annoying things like "We love you Sasuke-kun!" and the ubiquitous "MARRY ME, SASUKE-KUN!" Yesterday, he had even spotted a couple of male chunin in the crowd! Probably not though, as he briefly remembered Tsunade saying something about his and Naruto's role only being a supporting one this time. Although he was massively relieved, a prick of jealousy shot through his heart as he wondered who had been chosen to play the lead role. Wasn't he supposed to be the handsomest shinobi in the village? Sasuke knew that the lead actor in any of these _shojo_ romance movies had definitely NOT been chosen for their talent or skills. _At least I know the dobe isn't handsomer than me, since he's only playing a supporting role too! _He couldn't help smirking in satisfaction, pushing away the sniggering voice in his head taunting him that his male ego would have been irreparably crushed had the former come true. _I just might have to really kill him then. _

His sharp ears caught the faint sounds of a voice in the distance. Jumping to his feet, he replied, "Dobe, I hear something."

"Cheh, I've been walking for ages and I have no idea where I am!"

"Huh teme, did you say something?" The orange-clad ninja was by his side in an instant, although the loud slurping sounds he was making had completely drowned out the slivers of sound the Uchiha had garnered. Gritting his teeth in irritation, he pushed the whiskered boy away. "Don't come so close to me, dobe! You're getting all your disgusting ramen over me." He wiped his dark-blue shirt forcefully, momentarily panicking as he noticed the miniscule droplets of soup that had obviously come from the instant ramen the blonde was tucking into. _What a pity the Yondaime had died before he'd had time to teach that dobe some table manners!_

"Stop being such an uptight ass all the time teme! You're just jealous that Sakura-chan bought this amazing cup ramen for me, and you didn't get anything!" Completely disregarding the fact that he was now twenty-two years old and next in line to be Hokage, Naruto couldn't resist childishly sticking out his tongue at the Uchiha. "Nyeh!"

"Hn. You're going to die an early death from all that instant ramen anyway."

"Take that back teme! I'm not going to die before I become Hokage, nor am I going to die before I make ramen the official food of Konoha!"

Sasuke was struck in horror at the Kyuubi container's last words. When had that become part of Naruto's manifesto?

Since his teammate never showed any emotion (unless it was a near-lunatic rage that made him look like a deranged madman), the blonde took his silence as acquiescence, maybe even admiration at his newest proposal to completely overhaul the existing culinary system in the village. "Not only that, I'm going to declare a 'Ramen Day' every month, where all citizens can only eat ramen on that day; anyone eating udon or soba will be sentenced to E-Rank missions for a year. Also teme, I thought it would be a great idea if the cafeteria in the Academy only served ramen, so that the next generation of ninja will be able to develop an appreciation for ramen from a young age! I'm sure Sakura-chan will agree that it's got great nutritional value too, look at me- I started eating ramen at the age of three and I grew up to be smart enough to become Hokage!"

He rubbed his hands gleefully, blissfully unaware of the vein throbbing violently in the Uchiha's left temple. "And when I die teme, I'd like you to make sure that the village continues passing on the "Will of Ramen" to the younger generation. Hey, maybe the ANBU headquarters and jonin lounge could get a ramen stall too; maybe it would improve ninja intelligence and mission success. Oh and teme, do you think Kakashi-sensei will get mad if I told him that I'm planning to replace the Pink Bookstore with another outlet of Ichiraku Ramen? I thought…"

"_Usuratonkachi_. Tsunade will never let you become Hokage at this rate."

"Just you wait and see, teme! I'm going to become the Hokage whether you like it or not, dattebayo! And I'll ban tomatoes too!" He stuck his tongue out again.

"Dobe. You wouldn't dare." Sasuke cracked his knuckles threateningly.

"Teme. I SO dare." Naruto followed suit, a feral grin lighting up his whiskered face.

"Dobe."

"Teme."

"DOBE."

"TEME!"

"RASENG…!" "CHIDOR…!"

"Oi!" Sasuke felt the crackle of blue lightning-chakra he had amassed in his hand dissipate in an instant, along with the raucous chirping of his Chidori. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Naruto's ball of energy similarly disappear. Turning around to face the source of the voice, Sasuke felt a sudden jolt of surprise at the young man who had interrupted them. Cursing a little, he realised that he had been so focussed on the fight with Naruto that he had not even sensed the stranger's chakra signature upon them.

Before he could say anything, Naruto had already whispered loudly, "_Ano sa_ teme, I've NEVER seen anyone with hair that colour! Do you think he could be an impostor?"

"Shut up, dobe," he hissed back. Fixing his cold, onyx eyes on the newcomer, Sasuke cleared his throat a little. "Who are you, and what is your business here?"

A small frown formed on their pink-haired visitor's face. Clearly, people in the Naruto world were lacking a bit of common courtesy. "I'm looking for a place called Ko…no...ha. Do you know where it is?"

Exchanging a quick look with his teammate, Sasuke nodded but reached behind to place a hand on Kusanagi. Although their manga and anime had officially ended, there was no guarantee that some unknown enemy was not laying a trap to harm Konoha, which was still in the process of rebuilding even 5 years after the devastating aftermath of the Fourth Great Ninja War. "This is Konoha. Who are you, and what is your business here?" he repeated, his grip tightening on the blade.

Evidently aggravated at the icy reception he was getting from the former rogue-nin, the pink-haired young man huffed. "You ninja sure are stuffy! My name is Natsu Dragneel, and I'm a mage of Fairy Tail!"

"Fairy Tail, huh?" Sasuke withdrew his hand from Kusanagi's shaft. "I've heard about your guild. What business do you have in our world?"

Scratching the back of his head awkwardly, he gave a goofy smile that was strangely reminiscent of the blonde Kyuubi container. "Haha…uhh…actually I'm here to…uh…film…a…"

Sasuke stared as the pink-haired mage began to sweatdrop.

"Uh…I'm uh…actually…uhhh… I'm here to see the _haruno sakura_! That's it! Haha." (*_haruno sakura_- cherry blossom fields) He beamed at them, showing off gleaming white teeth with canines that seemed unusually long for a human.

Slightly confused but carefully keeping his expression blank, Sasuke slowly replied, "So you're a tourist here…?"

Knocking him aside, Naruto started babbling excitedly. "He's looking for Sakura-chan! Teme, that's why he's got pink hair, he must be Sakura-chan's relative! _Ano_," he clasped a startled Natsu's hands. "…you're looking for Haruno Sakura right?"

"Ah...yes…I guess so…" Even Natsu looked a little overwhelmed by the blonde's sudden excitement, as he suddenly found himself being dragged away by the overexcited Jinchuuriki. "Wait a second, where are we going?!"

"To see Sakura-chan of course!"

_Sakura-chan? They called their cherry blossom fields Sakura-chan? As if they were people? And why the hell was the orange boy so excited about going to see the cherry blossoms anyway? _The Dragon Slayer felt his tired and train-sick mind become even more confused. _Maybe I should have told them I was here to film that damn TV show…but it seemed less embarrassing to pose as a tourist and ask to see their cherry blossom fields; after all Lucy did say that Konoha was very famous for their lush greenery and cherry blossom fields…If only I hadn't gotten separated from the rest of the crew at the train station, I wouldn't have felt so embarrassed coming in a group!_

"Oi Naruto! I think you've…" Sasuke stared at the orange blur that had whizzed past him, dragging a very very confused pink-haired mage behind him. "…made a mistake."

And even from the gates of Konoha, Sasuke could hear Naruto bellowing through the village. "Sakura-chan! Your BROTHER'S here's to see you!"

_Naruto, what have you done this time!_

* * *

"Tsunade-sama! I've brought the mages from Fairy Tail up, as you requested," Shizune's head popped round the door, her usual friendly smile soon dissolving into a disapproving scowl at the sight before her. "Tsunade-sama!" Her assistant chided her, darting forward to snatch the sake bottle away from the evidently inebriated Hokage. "Not on a Monday morning! And definitely not when we have visitors too!"

The busty blonde only grumbled, tapping her shiny red fingernails impatiently on the polished mahogany desk. "Send them in, send them in. _Yare yare_, it's not as if we're expecting a visit from Madara himself, surely a woman is entitled to ONE drink. Oh and Shizune, you're fired. I'm getting Izumo and Kotetsu to replace you."

Hiding a smile at the familiarity of their Monday morning routine, the jonin medic merely replied, "Hai, Tsunade-sama. I'll just hand Tonton over to them in a second, eventhough you know how much Izumo-san and Kotetsu-san like their pork ramen." Ignoring the loud scoff behind her, she poked her head back into the corridor, beckoning to the company of mages patiently waiting outside. "Hokage-sama will see you now."

As she headed down the corridor, she suddenly jumped at Tsunade's surprised exclamation from behind her. "A flying blue cat?!"

* * *

"How about it, forehead? You know you want to...I'll even thrown in a five percent discount, ne?"

Sakura jumped backwards in shock as Ino's face loomed right in front of her over the bunch of lilacs she had been sniffing. "Pig, stop doing that! It freaks me out everytime you sneak up on me like that," the pinkette grumbled.

Ino merely shrugged nonchalantly, her turquoise eyes gleaming with mirth before going back into full salesgirl mode. "So how about it forehead?" she repeated, waving the bunch in front of Sakura's nose. "Two big bunches for lover boy? You can't go wrong with the lilacs- they match that stupid rope belt he's so into nowadays!"

"Stop it, Pig," her friend mumbled, turning away and hiding her face in a huge wreath of white freesias. "You know I gave up on Sasuke-kun a long time ago."

The blonde huffed, putting her hands on her hips. "I guarantee you that no guy can resist Yamanaka's famed flower creations! Even a manly guy like Sasuke-kun will fall at your feet upon receiving one of my special arrangements! Remember Kankuro, when he…"

"You mean the time you accepted his offer for a date upon receiving one of your own creations, which YOU sold to him? Way to go, Pig."

"I have other success stories, Forehead! Asuma-sensei and Kurenai-sensei, Gai-sensei and Kakashi-sensei…"

"PLEASE tell me you're kidding…!"

Before Ino had a chance to retort, they heard a familiar voice echo through the village.

"Sakura-chan! Your BROTHER'S here's to see you!"

"Eh?" Sakura's face was as blank as the whitewashed walls of the Konoha Hospital.

Ino's face showed similar confusion. "Forehead, we've been friends for fifteen years now…is there something or _someone _you forgot to tell me about?" She looked pointedly at the medical nin.

The pink-haired kunoichi lifted up her hands. "I thought _kaa-san_ was way past the optimal age for childbirth! She can't be…"

Ino wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Accidents happen all the time, Forehead," she cooed.

Sakura shook her head at the incredulity of the situation. "Seeing as the messenger is Naruto, it's more than likely there's been some sort of mistake. I don't have a brother, and it's more than likely that I won't ever be getting…"

BAM!

The glass doors swung open, and a familiar orange-clad figure zoomed in dragging another person…hang on, it didn't look like Sasuke-kun…

"SAKURA-CHAN!" Dropping whoever it was he had been hauling, the whiskered shinobi greeted her in his usual exuberant way, although Sakura thought he seemed more excited (if that was even possible) than normal. He grabbed her in a bear hug, squeezing her so hard she thought she might just expire.

"Naruto!" She exclaimed, aiming a chakra-laced punch at one orange shoulder. "What's the meaning of all this?"

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto shook her vigorously, still too excited to register the ache that had sprung up in his right shoulder thanks to his teammate's vicious punch. "Why didn't you tell me your brother was coming to visit?"

"What are you talking about, ramen boy?" Ino interjected. "We all know Forehead's an only child, unless…"

"No she's not! He said he's her brother!" Sakura turned to the young man lying on the floor that Naruto was pointing at. She couldn't really see what he looked like, but that was besides the point. "Naruto, I've never seen him in my life!"

"_Ano_, you lied to me!" He suddenly kicked the dark-clad figure on the ground. "You said you were looking for Haruno Sakura!"

"I am!" The stranger suddenly sat up and Sakura gasped aloud. _A guy with pink hair?! And he was looking for her?_

Taking no notice of the waves of confusion radiating from the two girls, the roseate haired young man continued arguing with Naruto. "All I said was that I was looking for the cherry blossoms, but you suddenly dragged me to this flower shop…"

The lightbulb suddenly lit up_. Haru no sakura…Haruno Sakura. _Sakura sighed. As always, the number one hyperactive knuckleheaded ninja had gone and made a spectacular blunder again.

The boy continued ranting. "I never said I was anyone's brother, you teme just jumped to that conclusion..." his voice suddenly trailed off as he caught sight of the girls. Or rather, one girl in particular.

_A pink-haired girl! Could she possibly be…?_

BAM! The doors were flung wide open again, only this time it was Tsunade- followed by a whole host of strange people that Sakura had never seen before. They were dressed strangely too- they certainly weren't wearing any shinobi uniform she was familiar with. Heck, these people didn't even dress like they were fit to be shinobi! There was a blonde girl wearing a skirt so short it might blow upwards at the merest hint of a _Futon_ jutsu, a semi-naked guy, and…and…was that a cat with wings?!

"There you are, Sakura!" Her shisou boomed, cracking her knuckles with an audible _pop_. "I've been looking for you all morning. Remember that TV show I spoke to you about last we…oh and talk about good timing," the Hokage broke off as she noticed the two knuckleheads staring at her. "Natsu, we've been looking for you all morning too. Your pet here has been extremely worried."

_Hang on a second, so shisou actually knew these people?_

"Happy's not my pet, he's my _nakama_!" The pink-haired boy got to his feet, dusting his white Ali Baba pants hastily. Smiling goofily in a way that strongly reminded her of her orange-loving best friend, he raised a hand. "Yo! Looks like everyone made it to Konoha after all."

"We were so worried about you, Natsu!" The blonde with the short skirt interjected, her voice laced with exasperation, and Sakura was forcefully reminded of the times where she had said the same thing in the exact same tone to a certain loudmouth whenever he limped back, injured from yet another reckless quest. "We thought you had wondered off to another ninja village or worse, gotten captured!"

The shirtless guy added, "You really gave us a scare there, idiot." The low baritone of his voice coupled with the slight sarcasm in his tone gave Sakura another sense of déjà vu. With his dark hair, model good looks and stoic attitude, he really could have been a dead ringer for Sasuke- if Sasuke ever chose to walk around Konoha half-naked.

Tsunade clapped her hands. "All right all right, that's enough for now. _Yosh_, now that we're all here maybe Director Baka would like to give everyone a short briefing on the filming schedule outlined for the next few weeks?"

Sakura wrinkled her nose as she noticed the heart-shapes floating around the pudgy man's head as he drooled over the Godaime's ample bust; these people obviously had no idea as to shisou's real age or rejuvenation jutsu. He cleared his throat. "Before we talk about filming, I just thought it would be a good idea for everyone to get to know each other since you'll all be working closely together over the next few weeks. Natsu," he motioned to the feisty roseate, who had been engaging in a silent battle of glares with his rival. "Natsu, meet Sakura."

Sakura felt herself flush as she felt a dozen pair of eyes sweep over her. A sudden icy feeling of dread began swirling in her insides; the big smirk on her shisou's face coupled with the expectant look that all the mages were giving her were dead giveaways that she wasn't going to like the way things were heading. Looking up, she felt her blush only deepen as she met the intense stare that Natsu was giving her. He gave her a thumbs-up and a wide smile, but there was definitely a more than a hint of embarrassment to it.

Feeling Director Baka gripping her shoulder, she stumbled forwards towards him as he announced, "And Sakura, meet Natsu." Rather mechanically, she raised her hand in return, squeaking out an incomprehensible greeting. Beaming, Director Baka slapped them both on the back, making Sakura jump so hard that she accidentally knocked against the Dragon Slayer, causing him in turn to stumble and trip on a crack in the floor, sending them both crashing down in a crumpled heap.

"Ow." Sakura opened her eyes slowly, and screamed when she found her face only inches from Natsu's own startled, wide-eyed gaze. Pushing herself hastily off his chest, Sakura felt her blush go from pink to cherry-tomato red as she realised that somewhere during the fall, she had somehow ended up straddling the pink-haired mage.

Director Baka peered down at them and sighed, "Well I suppose it's good practice for the coming weeks. Natsu, meet the pink-haired girl of your dreams and Sakura, say hello to your future husband. Congratulations, you're both going to be the stars of my new TV Show, "How I Met Your _Kaa-san_!"

* * *

A/N: Next chapter will probably be up by next week. It was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but as always the story grew a mind of its own and refused to be cut down. Hope you spotted and enjoyed the various pop culture references thrown inside! As always, reviews are love.

librastar x


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **As always, I don't own Naruto, Fairy Tail or How I Met Your Mother- each are the copyright of their respective owners: Masashi Kishimoto, Hiro Mashima, Satoshi Tajiri, Craig Thomas and Carter Bays. All characters, descriptions, names, places and references are the copyright of the owners, and everything else is simply a figment and work of my imagination.

**A/N:** This chapter's got a lot more adult innuendo in it, hence the T rating. Many thanks to musicmiss18, EmilyLovesbooks, Chikoshika101 and Malthinae for the lovely, thoughtful reviews and a special shout-out to SasuCakes-137 for showing me how much she enjoyed the story.

**The Very Pink of Perfection**

**Chapter 2**

"Naruto-kun, have you ever been in love?"

"Ahhh…" Screwing up his face in deep concentration, the blonde was silent for a good few minutes. His face suddenly lighting up, he grinned at the pink-haired mage sitting opposite him, "Ramen is and was my one true love! Does that count?"

"_Baka_," muttered Shikamaru somewhere in the background. Ino hushed him fiercely, clamping a hand over his mouth. "Be quiet, the camera can hear you!"

"_Mendokusai_…"

"Naruto-kun," Natsu gasped dramatically, falling to his knees in front of the whiskered ninja and seizing the hem of his orange jumpsuit. "I'm desperately in love with Sakura-chan, she's the first pink-haired girl I've ever seen in my entire life! I love her with every breath that I take, with every beat of my heart- I'd follow her to the end of the Shinobi Nations if that's what she desires of me! Please, help me to win her so that I can fulfil my foster father's last wish. I'm begging you!"

Further in the background, Tenten, Hinata, Erza and Lee were sniffing quietly into their handkerchiefs.

"Oh, the great beauty of the springtime of youth!" bellowed Gai, reaching out his hand for the snotty handkerchief that Lee was passing around and blowing (or trumpeting) loudly into it. "The burning flames of desire, the unquenchable thirst of passion, the unconquerable power of true love!"

"_Mada mada_, Gai," Kakashi muttered, turning a page of his newest Icha Icha Romance. "You know it's all scripted anyway."

"GAI-SENSEI!" Lee howled, rushing over to his green-spandex loving mentor, crying so many bucket-loads of tears that Kakashi was sure even Amegakure would overflow. "Why does _he_ get to win the hand and heart of my most beloved cherry-blossom? Is it because I only did 4,999 push-ups yesterday instead of 5000? Or because I only did 9,999 handstands around the village last week instead of 10,000? Just say the word Gai-sensei, and I will do anything to win back my beautiful Sakura-san!"

"Be strong Lee, you know life doesn't always work out the way we want it to!"

_Yare yare, he should be the one acting in this ridiculous show_ thought the silver-haired jōnin, shaking his head as the pair embraced tearfully amid a sunset beach and waves crashing onto the shore.

Back on set, Natsu was still down on his knees in front of Naruto. "Naruto-s_ensei_," he pleaded. "Tell me, what's the best way to win over my fair Sakura-chan's heart?"

"Weelll," the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki looked perplexed. "Sakura-chan doesn't really like many things, and she doesn't seem to like many people…"

In a corner of the set, Sakura hissed with annoyance. "That's not true, Naruto no baka!"

"But!" he continued, beaming his trademark megawatt smile. "If I ever wanted to impress a girl, I would…"

"BUY HER SOME FOOD!"

Choji wandered into the camera's view, scoffing his perennial bag of chips. Next to him, Shikamaru was rolling his eyes in evident disdain. "_Mendokusai_…"

"Na, Shikamaru and Choji!" Naruto's smile only stretched wider. "You agree with me don't you?"

"It has to be all-you-can-eat yakiniku, Natsu," Choji stated firmly, waving his bag of chips at the Dragon Slayer. "Girls aren't going to fall into your lap with just any kind of food, they want to feel special! And what better way to show that she's special by treating her to a barbecue at Yakiniku Q?"

"Yakiniku is for losers!" scoffed Kiba who was riding on Akamaru, closely followed by his teammate, Shino. "Want to impress some chick? Give her some beef jerky and cartilage! They'll run to you begging for more!"

"All of you are deluded!" Naruto yelled, pounding his fists onto the ground. "Ichiraku Ramen is the key to any girls' heart! That's what old man Teuchi keeps telling me, he even said that if I ever brought a girl on a date with me to Ichiraku, he'd give her a fifty-percent discount on her second bowl!"

"Hinata doesn't even like ramen, you baka!" The fanged Inuzuka turned up his nose scornfully at the blonde loudmouth. "Some date that would turn out to be!"

"It would appear that all of you are going about this the wrong way," Shino's quiet voice interrupted the quarrelling pair, while a stunned Natsu merely looked on. "Why you ask? Because you are considering all this from only your perspective, not the girl in question…you fail to take her feelings and preferences into account."

Shikamaru sighed. "Well? Does anyone know what Sakura-chan likes to eat?"

*crickets chirping *

"Uhhh…" Naruto flushed. What _did_ Sakura-chan like to eat? The problem was that whenever Team Seven got together, all they ever ate was ramen (besides standard mission fare) because that was all Naruto would ever eat. In essence, he'd never seen anyone else eat anything but ramen.

" I do."

Everyone looked incredulously at the stoic bug-user. Annoyed at the lack of an impressed reaction his words had imparted on them, he inclined his head towards their left.

Sakura was strolling down the village's main street, sipping what was presumably her morning tea from a metallic flask. Stopping at a roadside stall to buy something, she lingered for a little while to chat to the old lady manning it before skipping off, presumably back to the hospital.

The boys' eyes went round.

The sign in front of the stall read 'Takoyaki'.

* * *

"_Ohaiyou gozaimasu_, Chiyoko-baasan!" Sakura called cheerfully, waving to the elderly lady manning the stall in front of her. Her eyes crinkled with delight upon seeing the medic nin, a smile lighting up her wrinkled face.

"_Ohaiyou_, Sakura-chan! Anything for you today?" she responded. "I just made some fresh takoyaki, only 50 ryo a stick!"

Sakura smiled. "It's a little too early in the morning for something so oily, Chiyoko-baasan. Do you have anything sweet?"

The old lady rustled around, moving the box of takoyaki aside. "You're a lucky girl Sakura-chan, I also managed to make some of my special anko dumplings this morning! I know how much you like them, so I'd be happy to sell the whole lot to you. I didn't make that many."

The pinkette beamed, her eyes shining at the sight of the syrup coated red-bean dumplings she adored so much. "_Arigatou gozaimasu_, Chiyoko-baasan!" she exclaimed, biting into a stick and closing her eyes as the sticky sweet goodness flooded her mouth. "Mmm…" Handing out a wad of ryo notes, she added, "If you don't mind, I'd like to get five sticks of takoyaki as well. I'm not a big fan of them, but I think Kakashi-sensei could use a mid-morning snack. The poor man is so worn out nowadays thanks to that new genin team he's training!"

Off camera, Kakashi nodded his head sorrowfully.

"That man!" Chiyoko shook her head, handing Sakura her change. "He'll never change. What he needs is a nice girl to settle down with." She eyed the pinkette somewhat critically. "Same goes for you, Sakura-chan. Any young man in the village taken your fancy lately?"

"Ah…" Sakura laughed awkwardly, a familiar light blush tinting her cheeks. "Not really…I think I'd better be off or I'll be late for my shift. I want to stop by the training grounds to drop these off for Kakashi-sensei as well. _Dewa mata_, Chiyoko-baasan!"

Turning around to wave to the pinkette as she rounded the corner, Chiyoko glimpsed a silver-haired, slouching figure reading a bright green book with a huge red censor mark stamped across it. He loped along at an unhurried pace even though she distinctly heard him say to himself. "Only three hours and twelve minutes late today. I don't think those kids will be expecting me so early!"

Chuckling lightly, she turned around slowly before realising that there was a customer standing in front of her. He had spiky pink hair, dark eyes and wore a scaly white scarf wrapped around his neck. He was no shinobi that was for sure, judging by the dark coloured coat with gold trimming and flared design, poufy white trousers and open toed sandals that he wore: too loud and impractical for espionage missions. Furthermore, his movements were clumsy with the unpractised grace of someone unused to concealing their presence. His face was unfamiliar, so he was possibly a visiting tourist from some distant village. Chiyoko was a civilian, but she'd lived long enough in Konoha to be able to tell a ninja from a normal person. Noticing how his eyes lingered on the retreating pink-haired figure, the old lady grinned.

"Obaa-san, I have a question to ask you."

Chiyoko tried to hide her smile. "If it's about Sakura-chan…no she doesn't have a boyfriend," she cackled. "Go right ahead."

The young man only looked confused.

"Uhh obaa-san…I wanted to ask you if you could teach me how to make takoyaki."

* * *

"Welcome back, Sakura-senpai," the young nurse murmured as the pink-haired medic swept into the room and promptly collapsed onto the soft cushions of her plush armchair, the only real luxury in an otherwise spartanly furnished office. The ageing wooden desk was overflowing with patient medical records, and a long white sheet of paper laid out the patient schedule for the day- the last appointment reading 11.00 pm. Sakura groaned, kneading her temples.

"Haruka, when is the next surgery scheduled for?"

"10 am senpai – its Genma-san's fractured collarbone."

Great. Another major surgery in the space of barely 4 hours – she really ought to kill Shizune for being on maternity leave when her own husband's collarbone was fractured. The emergency morning operation on that ANBU squad had left her feeling so drained – she had no idea how she was going to face Shizune if she accidentally ended up stabbing Genma with a kunai instead of a scalpel because she was so sleepy.

"Long day again, Sakura-senpai?" Her younger colleague clucked sympathetically.

Trying in vain to stifle another huge yawn, the pinkette shook her head. "You have no idea." She started rifling through her desk drawers. "Now where did I put them…"

"You work too hard, senpai," Haruka shook her head sadly, passing Sakura the box of aspirins that the jōnin medic gratefully accepted. "You'll end up in one of those wards too before you know it."

"That's the least of her problems!"

Sakura quickly downed two lifesavers, glaring at the smirking blonde at the doorway. "Oh go away Ino-pig," she growled. "I've just mended four fractured tibias, three lung punctures, performed two emergency blood transfusions and guess what? My day is JUST STARTING." She banged her head lightly against the wooden desktop, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like, "Why me?"

The blonde kunoichi's smirk only grew wider. "You know what'll cure all this Forehead?" she cooed.

Peeping up at her best friend through her messy pink bangs, Sakura merely gave her best deadpan look. "Let me guess… a good lay."

"So you do listen when I'm talking!" Ino crowed. Walking closer to the pinkette slumped across the desk, she giggled, "Oh come on Forehead. When was the last time you even went _out_, let alone got some action?"

"Leave me alone, Pig," came the muffled reply.

Undeterred, Ino perched herself on the edge of the desk. "Trust me, Sakura," she purred. "You'll feel a lot better after getting your hands on some nice, hot _male_ shinobi as…"

She jumped as Sakura's chakra laden fist thumped the desktop, causing the mass of patient files to jump rather violently in mid-air. Huffing loudly, Ino decided to switch tactics.

"I'm sorry, Forehead," she mused aloud. "Maybe it's not that you don't want to get laid, but you CAN'T get laid."

The pinkette didn't stir.

Deciding that she needed to up the baiting ante a little, the blonde continued, "Or maybe you're just hiding something from me. I'm sure you can't really be spending all those hours _just training_ with Kakashi-sensei, the two of you must probably be getting _really down and dirty_ in Training Ground Thr…"

"I am not sleeping with Kakashi-sensei!"

Ino chuckled, her words having the desired effect of riling up the kunoichi; whose cheeks were flaming red now. "Pity that. That man is one fine piece of…" she stopped short at the murderous glare on her friend's face. "Well if it's not Kakashi-sensei, then who is it?" she challenged.

Sakura turned a deeper shade of red, but she didn't answer.

Patting her on the shoulder, the blonde giggled again. "You know, maybe Tsunade-sama had an ulterior motive for letting Konoha take part in this silly rom-com TV show. It's not as if we really need the money…I think she just wants to hook you up with that pink-haired baka!"

"INO-PIG, YOU…!"

"Delivery for Haruno-san!" Mercifully, the mail boy poked his head into the room at the very instant a fuming Sakura was about to self-combust. "It's from a Dragneel-san, Haruno-san."

Ignoring Ino's stifled laughter, she ground out, "Just leave it at the door, Kenji." She really didn't feel like getting out of her chair to deal with anything, especially anything Natsu-related, except to maybe manhandle Ino by throwing her back to the Psychiatry Ward where she belonged.

"_Gomen_ Haruno-san, but…it won't fit through the doorway."

"Eh?"

With an apologetic smile, Kenji beckoned the pink-haired medic over.

She peered round the doorframe…

And promptly fainted.

"Haruno-san!" Kenji waved frantically in her face. "Haruno-san, are you alright?!"

"_Yare yare_, talk about being dramatic, Forehead!" Ino huffed, striding over to the office entrance. "What can possibly be so…?"

She let out an ear-splitting scream.

There in the corridor, stood an absolutely humongous dragon.

It wasn't quite a Bijuu, but it was still big enough to obscure the ceiling and the three offices next to Sakura's. Nurses, medics and patients alike were staring at it, pointing and whispering in awe.

And it was made entirely…

Of takoyaki.

Of hundreds and hundreds of row upon row of little grilled octopus balls.

Complete with seaweed wings, a mayonnaise smile and ugly little bonito flake eyes.

Staring at the bizarre structure before her until her vision grew fuzzy, it wasn't long before she too fell forward with a gentle _thump_!.

* * *

"Do you think she liked it, Naruto?" The Dragon Slayer craned his neck eagerly, trying to get a glimpse of the pink-haired medic through the grills of the air vent they were currently squashed in.

The whiskered shinobi grinned. "I sure hope so! After all that effort we went to making that thing. It's really lucky we had all my Kage Bunshin use Mini-Rasengan to help us shape them or it would have taken us forever to make all those balls!"

Realising that his view was being blocked by nothing by takoyaki, he retracted his head. "Don't forget that it was thanks to my Fire Dragon's Roar that we were able to grill all of them in one go," he retorted smugly. He settled back comfortably against a dripping pipe. "This beats Yakiniku or beef jerky any day. I don't see how any girl can fail to be impressed by my takoyaki dragon…!"

"SHANNARO!"

"AAHHHHHH!" Both young men were flung against the pipes as they felt a monstrous force split the ground below them, the violent reverberations felt even through the ceiling where they were hiding. Bits of dust and plaster crumbled on their faces, causing them both to splutter and choke horribly. A terrified Natsu scrambled to press his face against the vent, gasping for air.

To his dismay, the takoyaki dragon was no more.

In its place was a ten-foot deep crater filled to the brim with what were presumably the smushed remains of their culinary masterpiece. And standing next to it was an evidently livid Sakura, chest heaving and fists glowing green.

"NATSU DRAGNEEL!"

"So…I guess she didn't like it then?"

* * *

"Haihhhhh," the pink-haired Dragon Slayer exhaled forcefully as he flopped facedown near the edge of the riverbank, feeling the long blades of grass tickling his cheeks. "Why doesn't she like anything I give her?" he mumbled, fisting handfuls of grass in frustration. "What is it that I'm doing wrong?"

"Maybe you're not looking underneath the underneath."

"Huh?"

Turning on his back, Natsu whipped his head from side to side but there was no one in sight. He scratched his head. Konoha hadn't twisted him that much to the point that the voices in his head were giving him obscure advice out loud…

"I've got to hand it to you though...even I would have had a hard time saying no to you if you'd gotten me a takoyaki dragon."

Craning his head skywards, Natsu jumped as he spotted one Hatake Kakashi lounging on a tree branch several metres above him, cradling a shocking orange book on his lap. The jōnin gave him a lazy two-fingered salute. "Yo!"

Natsu sighed, putting both hands behind his head. "It's not just the takoyaki dragon. I gave her a shōgi set on Monday, a pet caterpillar on Tuesday, a yakiniku voucher on Wednesday, a dog biscuit on Thursday and she still rejected them all! I'm just about to give up here- women are just too complicated," he huffed.

Kakashi hid a smile underneath his mask. "Hmm. So you've taken advice from Shikamaru, Shino, Choji, Kiba and Naruto and none of them worked out," he replied gravely. "I see."

"Exactly!" The Dragon Slayer scowled.

"Have you tried these?" Kakashi called, brandishing the orange book he'd been reading earlier. Natsu couldn't make out the words on the cover, but he could see a huge red censor mark stamped across the front. "Here, catch."

Turning it over, the pink-haired Mage visibly blanched. "Icha-Icha… Paradise?!"

"What they don't tell you is that besides being the man who's copied a thousand jutsu, I'm also the man that's made a thousand girls happier," the Copy Ninja winked. "Get her the box set, they all loved it," he called happily, before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

* * *

"Haruka, have those books that I ordered last week arrived yet?" Sakura frantically tossed aside the piles of paper and assorted junk that littered her table top. Her very first public lecture, and she was already running late thanks to a certain whiskered ninja waylaying her at the ramen stall. "I really hope they've arrived on time, half of my lecture depends on those chapters on chakra manipulation in neurosurgery."

"Hai, Sakura-senpai! This arrived in the mail for you yesterday morning," the young nurse passed the frazzled medic a medium-sized brown package.

Feeling the hard cover and edges of the package, the pinkette breathed a sigh of relief. Those were definitely books in there.

"Thanks! I'll see you later then, Haruka!" she shouted, as she sprinted past her bewildered assistant, clutching the package tightly. If she ran all the way to the Academy, she might just make it in time.

Shaking her head slightly, Haruka began to tidy up the mess that Sakura had left on the floor. As she started to sort patient files M-Z, she was startled to hear Kenji call her from the doorway, "Delivery for Haruno-san!"

Picking up the large brown package he handed her, she grunted. "This is really heavy! What's inside?"

He shrugged. "Must be those books that Haruno-san ordered last week. You know how anything that the Allied Ninjas Medical Association publishes weighs a Bijuu and a half!"

She stopped. "Wait, wasn't that package you gave me yesterday from the Medical Association?"

He stared at her, before breaking into laughter. "Ah hell no! They were too light to be medical books and besides, they were from that annoying admirer of Haruno-san's! You know, the one that made her that crazy takoyaki dragon?"

* * *

"So the first step in treating subarachnoid haemorrhage is where the medic focuses his or her chakra into the subarachnoid space and slowly extends its reach to detect the presence of any cerebral aneurysms," Sakura gestured to the scroll on the right, which had the cross section of the brain meticulously inked onto it. "If an aneurysm has been detected, the medic can then either clip or coil the blood vessel that has ruptured to prevent further risk of rebleeding. Any questions so far?" she glanced around the room. So far, her audience of trainee medic-nins had been fairly quiet, and Sakura was a little worried that the subject of neurosurgery was a little too advanced for them at this stage in their education.

To her surprise, a slightly raised hand wobbled tentatively in the middle. "Kojiro?"

"Sakura-senpai, I was wondering if you could explain what are the complications that could arise from treating a SAH."

She nodded approvingly. "As far as I'm aware, the main complication that often arises is vasospasm, but I'm not an expert in the area of neurosurgery so if you give me a minute, I'll get Midori to check that up for you." The pinkette nodded slightly to the medic sitting in the front row, who promptly used a kunai to rip through the brown-papered package that Sakura had placed on the front row desk. From memory, the chapter on SAH should be in Modern Medical Ninjutsu Volume 2 Chapter 36. "Now, the mortality rate for shinobi suffering a SAH is only between 40-50%, and residual symptoms include…"

"_Sumimasen_, Sakura-senpai."

Sakura smiled. "Ah yes. So Midori, if you could just read out the list of complications on the page…"

"_Sumimasen_, Sakura-senpai," the junior medic repeated, cutting into a surprised Sakura. "But I think you may have given me the wrong set of books _for the occasion,_" she replied a little smugly, holding up the package for everyone to see.

Sakura could only stare in horror at the books in front of her, as loud bursts of sniggering broke out among the audience.

Nestled snugly amid the brown paper packaging, was the complete, autographed box set of the Icha Icha Series.

* * *

It's only been a month since filming started but already, Konoha seems to have been hit by an infectious wave of what later came to be known as "Pink Fever."

Dear Sakura,

Pursuant to your participation in the TV Tokyo production of "How I Met Your Kaa-San", we, the undersigned as members of the Worldwide Natsu Dragneel Hotness Appreciation and Obsession Society (WNDHAOS) make the following demands of you:

1. Natsu Dragneel remains the sole exclusive property of the WNDHAOS. In other words: Keep the h*ll away from our pink-haired hottie, okay pinky? Two pinkies do not make a right.

2. B*tch please, he's like totally in love with US, not you sweetie. Sorry to break that to you. He turned up to like, TWO of our events last year. TWO! Out of a thousand. That was a RECORD year. And not because a. there was free food and b. the TV Tokyo producers forced him to because we threatened to stop buying up all those adorable Natsu fluffies they were producing. They are shooo squishy *demented squealing* You should go and buy one, since you can't have the real thing. If you get the special edition ones, you can even program them to say things like "I hate Lucy AND Lisanna" and "I'm hotter than Gray. Literally." Who wants boring stuff like "I'm all FIRED UP!"?

3. The WNDHAS is the single largest buyer of all things Natsu-related: Natsu T-shirts, Natsu fluffy toys, Natsu lingerie, Natsu tooth floss, Natsu pencil shavers, Natsu toilet cleaners, Natsu fire extinguishers, Natsu sliced bread, anti-Lucy machine guns…sweetie, we buy them ALL. So believe us when we say we have a LOOOTTTT of bargaining power. We're actually looking to offload some of those Barbie Natsus though, since some little idiot just smashed our entire stock of Ken Fullbuster dolls, so they're currently sad, single and past their shelf life (not joking, the Society's running out of shelf space for all 890,576,342 of them).

4. We know your little scheme- you just want to marry him so that you can get your hands on some of that pink-haired, one-sleeved, fire-breathing muscle don't you? Puh-lease, you don't know the man at all – you're nothing but a shallow fan girl. Or maybe you're just after all those jewels he's got hidden away in that rotten cave of his – rumour has it he got paid a million an episode… but don't worry, we've got you figured out sweetie. We're not letting you do a Kim Kartrashian on us. At this very moment, our lawyers are working on a pre-nuptial agreement that will direct the entire Dragneel estate to the WNDHAOS should this sham of a marriage actually go ahead. No more waiting 72 days just to get our hands on that fortune yessiree.

If you DON'T do everything we've very nicely requested of you, do you know what we're going to do? Ohh don't think we don't watch your show sweetie, we all know ALL your little secrets…. so we'll make you a deal.

If you stay away from our oh-so-sexy piece of pink-haired god-like one-sleeved perfection (mmmm sorry about the drool mark there, pinkie. And there), we'll leave you alone to live out your miserable broad-foreheaded existence in peace. We promise not to send you more than one hate mail a week. Really. If not….

We're going to petition your mangaka, Kishimoto-san to pair you up with Sai. Yes, THAT Sai. Mr. "My Abs are so awesome Kishimoto had to leave me with a bare midriff eventhough I'm probably dying of cold in winter" and "Mr. I'm supposed to be a kick-ass ANBU but all I really am is some pale (pardon the pun) replacement for Sasuke" Sai.

Not Sasuke, not Naruto, not Kakashi and yes, not even Lee. SAI.

We have more than 20 fans worldwide! We can make it happen.

So you'd better heed our warning! (unless you want to find yourself written into a socially retarded marriage for Naruto-manga eternity). Gotta run now…the latest shipment of pink Natsu jelly babies have just arrived…

Hugs and kisses from,

The Worldwide Natsu Dragneel Hotness Appreciation and Obsession Society

Sakura crumpled the scroll in her hand, her fingers crushing the paper so tightly her knuckles were turning white from the effort. Growling, she flung it as far as she could throw, whereupon it promptly landed on an unsuspecting Shikamaru's head, 100 feet above the ground as he lazed on top of Hokage Mountain.

"SHANNARO!" The kunoichi smashed her fist into the trunk of one of Yamato's prized oak trees. The tree gave a loud groan, but before it had collapsed to the ground Sakura had already moved on to the next victim, leaving a long trail of forest destruction behind her. Next to her, a worried looking Naruto was torn between anxiously hoping that she wasn't looking to vent her spleen on the nearest living target (i.e. himself) and worrying about what poor Yamato would say when he came back to find his prized oak grove (and probably house) completely destroyed. Only Sasuke looked unperturbed.

"Is being paired with Sai such an insult?" the blonde whiskered ninja whispered to Sasuke as he watched Sakura's tree-smashing rampage continue all the way down Konoha's main street.

The Uchiha smirked. "Bet you one bowl of ramen she castrates him before the week is out, dobe. He's due for his medical tomorrow."

"You're on, teme."

"ARGH! I can't believe those idiotic fangirls of his are actually taking this seriously. Treating me, ME as if I'M a threat to THEM!" she raged, adjusting her gloves as she barely registered that her knuckles were bleeding and full of tiny wooden splinters. Groups of Academy children hid behind their mothers' skirts as the kunoichi stormed by, great thunderclouds crackling with lightning above her roseate head. "Kami-sama, who even knew he HAD fangirls!"

"I don't want to be a kunoichi anymore, okaasan. Do all kunoichi eventually become scary monsters?"

"Hush now, and eat your vegetables. It's alright, as long as your name isn't Naruto big bad Sakura-chan won't harm you!"

"They can keep that stupid, stupid argh STUPID pink-haired baka of theirs, and be welcome to him! No one else is taking this accursed TV show seriously," she continued glowering as she wandered the cobbled pavements of Konoha's Market District, unseeing as anger bubbled through her veins. She paused for a while, her eyes narrowed as her own face stared down at her, larger than life and any other poster around for miles. They had airbrushed her face so that her most prominent feature was now her mouth, stretched into a silly, would-be flirtatious giggle reminiscent of her twelve-year old fangirl days. Somehow, they had altered the picture such that she was batting her eyelashes in a clumsy attempt to be sultry, at an equally out-of-place Natsu who was grinning awkwardly at the camera. "He's conquered the world, and he's conquered the dragons – now he's out to conquer her heart. The all new series How I Met Your Kaa-San, only on TV Tokyo every Tuesday night at 8pm!" It was soon smashed to bits with one well-placed chakra punch.

She stormed along the street, wringing her hands agitatedly as she continued ripping down every other poster she came across and tearing it into a million pieces. The kunoichi would have gladly strangled Naruto a thousand times over just to let out some of her mingled rage and embarrassment if he was around but unfortunately, even the No. 1 knuckleheaded ninja was taking shelter from her overwhelming anger. "I bet no one even WATCHES the d*mn show except those silly fangirls. Threatening me, as if I'M interested in HIM! And with SAI of all people. Don't I deserve better? I wouldn't have felt so insulted if they'd threatened Lee…Sai hasn't even mastered the art of smiling yet, let alone marriage or Kami-sama forbid, sex…!"

"Mochi for you, Sakura-chan?" A tray of sticky pink sugar-dusted rice-cakes was thrust into her face, interrupting her furious monologue. The old man peered owlishly at her, a silly hopeful smile written all over his wrinkled face. "I made them pink specially so that you and your boyfriend could share them!"

Sakura yelped. "Ano….arigato but…he's not my boyfriend, oji-san…in fact, he's just my co-star…"

She gasped again as two plump old women squeezed themselves next to her, pinching her cheeks, "Oh but you two make the most adorable couple! Everyone in Konoha just LOVES Tuesday nights now – How I Met Your Kaa-San is such an inspired replacement for My Little Blue Pegasus! And a spring, cherry blossom wedding would bring out the colour of BOTH your hair!"

"Just make sure the bridesmaids don't wear red dear, it clashes HORRIBLY with your hair…"

"What's wrong with red?" she growled again, fingering her red shirt somewhat defensively. "Wait, who even said anything about a wedding?!"

"Sakura-san! Is it true that Dragneel-san proposes with a 10-carat pink dragon diamond ring during the show's finale episode?"

"Sakura-san, is it true that the TV Tokyo producers have fired Dragneel-san because he ate their entire stock of takoyaki and replaced him with Luffy?"

"That can't be true, last I heard Ash Ketchum was favourite to replace Dragneel-san!"

"Don't say things like that, you know that Sakura-san and Dragneel-san are the latest "IT" couple in Shino(bi)-llywood! Konoha Entertainment Weekly even gifted them with their own nickname: NaSa! NaLu is so last year."

"Sakura-san! If you book The Dancing Shinobi for your wedding, my chefs and I have already come up with the most amazing wedding banquet menu: Pink salmon sushi, pink dragonfruit juice…"

"Sakura-san! Is it true that Dragneel-san and yourself are planning to name your first child Sasuke Wakaba Dragneel?"

"Oh Sakura-chan, even if things with Natsu don't work out, I have this tall, handsome jōnin nephew of mine who's DYING to go out with you! He doesn't have pink hair (we come from seven generations of redheads) but that's close enough isn't it, dear?"

The kunoichi tried to wriggle away from the excited crowd, but more and more villagers pressed excitedly against her. "NO!" she shrieked, desperately ducking under heads and pushing through the crowds as the eager mob closed in on her, jabbering away excitedly with ever increasingly ludicrous ideas and suggestions for her so-called relationship with the Dragon Slayer.

"KONOHA DAILY! Fresh off the press! Get the latest news right here: Hokage-sama finally breaks 50-year Incredible Sucker streak by winning 10 ryo on a lotto scratch card; Orochimaru unveiled as new ambassador for Konoha Purple Eye Shadow Corp.; How I Met Your Kaa-San Episode 6 trumps Itachi & Friends with viewership of over 10,000; Jiraiya's latest Icha Icha Sakura hits No. 1 on Fire Country's Bestseller Romance List…"

"ICHA ICHA SAKURA?!" Grabbing the unfortunate newspaperman by the scruff of his kimono, the poor man could only quail in terror at the waves of murderous intent rolling off the livid kunoichi.

"You ought to try it dear, Jiraiya really does know the winning formula for writing bestsellers; he's an absolute genius!"

She rounded on the hunched up old man squatting on a wooden stool next to the quivering newspaperman. He puffed away serenely, blowing thick clouds of ash grey smoke, which were dissipated by his shock of thick, snowy-white hair; blithely oblivious to the seething kunoichi in front of him. He waved a pink hardcover book in front of her nose, a familiar red censor mark stamped across the lurid cover. "Psst, you want to know the secret?"

"To what? His so-called success?!"

"Don't you mean succ-SEX, SEX AND MORE SEX?!" He cackled loudly, slapping his thigh as traders, customers, shoppers, shinobi and civilians alike along the entire street roared with laughter. As he waved the book again, she suddenly caught sight of the cover picture. "Is that…"

The old oji-san grinned lecherously at her as he handed her the offending book. Flipping it over, Sakura suddenly gave a loud scream. "WHAT HAPPENED TO JUNKO?" she yelled, utterly horrified as she dropped the book to the ground. The crowd only laughed harder.

"Why Sakura-chan, I had no idea you were familiar with the series! You even know the main character's name… Could it be your sensei's been educating you _beyond_ the wonderful world of ninjutsu? "

Turning beet red as she resisted the urge to snap back, thankfully she quickly remembered her manners. Biting her lip savagely, she ground out a quick "_Gomen nasai_," nodding at the newspaperman before turning on her heel and hurrying down the next street.

Taking another puff of his pipe as he snickered, Jiraiya released the Henge Jutsu and bent down to pick up the copy of Icha Icha Sakura that Sakura had so kindly dropped in her haste to get away from him. "Now I wonder why she didn't like the cover art?" he mused, running his thumb lovingly over the graphic scene depicting two pink-haired lovers (that exhibited a suspicious resemblance to a certain kunoichi and Fire Dragon Slayer) entangled in a _very_ compromising position involving kunais and pink cotton candy. The glittery kanji "Icha Icha Sakura: From the author of Fire Country's top best-sellers 10 years in a row! Kinkier, funnier and more _fiery_ than ever - featuring an all-new hero and heroine. For those who don't want their cherry blossoms in the first buds of virginity: over-21s ONLY" were stamped across it, followed by a supposedly five-star rating by the Konoha Daily in suspiciously fine print.

"Mmm, it's not too bad at all! For a guy with supposedly zero experience, Sai has a pretty good imagination of how's it's supposed to _look_ like."

* * *

"There she is, teme! Sakura-chan, what are you doing?!" Naruto yelled in horror, waving his arms frantically as he raced towards Sakura. The watching crowd gasped as the pink-haired kunoichi grabbed armfuls of the latest No. 1 Romance Bestseller off the shelves and started stamping on them in full view of the mass of shinobi and villagers gathered in front of the Pink Bookstore.

"SAKURA-CHAN!" Eventhough she gave him one of her best glares, the whiskered ninja refused to budge. "Uh…why are you destroying hundreds of copies of Ero-sennin's latest masterpiece? Are you trying to sabotage him? It won't work Sakura-chan, Ichiraku Ramen is distributing free copies with every bowl of ramen purchas…ACK!"

"Why?" the pink-haired kunoichi hissed dangerously. "Why?" she took one menacing step forwards, and Naruto quickly found himself backtracking. "Since I found out that perverted excuse for a sensei of yours made me and Natsu the stars of his latest bestseller!" She cracked her knuckles threateningly, a manic expression on her face.

"Hehehe…is that really bad, Sakura-chan? At least you can tell people that you were once the best-selling (albeit literary) fantasy of every man in Fire Country, datteb…!"

"Naruto, you hentai!" Just before she could grab the gibbering blonde loudmouth, a little voice piped up behind her, "_Sumimasen_, Sakura-oneechan!" Feeling a light tug on her pink medic-apron skirt, Sakura glanced down to find herself surrounded by a gaggle of Academy kids, all big eyes and wide innocent grins plastered on their little faces. "We just wanted to say that we really like your new TV show, it's so much nicer than My Little Blue Pegasus!"

She smiled a little, despite herself. "_Arigato, minna-chan_! But really, My Little Blue Pegasus wasn't that ba…"

A small brown-haired boy whispered loudly, "I heard Iruka-sensei in the staffroom saying My Little Blue Pegasus is for "ray-tards" and "lesbos". Sakura-oneechan, what's a ray-tard?"

"Sakura-oneechan! I drew this for you in class, I hope you like it." As Sakura accepted the scroll one of the little Academy students handed her, she flipped it to the front so that she saw the subject of the drawing.

Two stick-figures with smiley red crayon mouths, holding hands and dressed in traditional wedding attire, standing in front of a triangular brick house with puffy green scrawls of grass. A rough circlet of yellow and some blue squiggles (presumably the sun and sky) completed the childishly charming picture. A bride and a groom.

They had pink crayon hair.

She screamed loudly, badly frightening little Shizuka and the rest of the Academy genin. "The whole village has gotten Pink Fever!" Sakura screeched, dropping the scroll before running away again presumably to pound her head again and again against Hokage Mountain.

"Okaasan, I told you all kunoichi were big scary monsters!"

"Hush now, and eat your vegetables. At least she didn't throw you over Hokage Mountain like she would have for Naruto."

* * *

The raven-haired Uchiha sniffed disdainfully at the wrecked piles of Icha Icha Sakura lying on the ground, the spines coming off and their pages torn to shreds and covered in pavement dust. "Tch. Don't you think Sakura was overreacting?" he muttered, his eyes narrowed in disgust as he scuffed his toes against yet another pile of ruined tomes. "After all, it's only fiction." He suddenly caught sight of the brand-new row of posters tacked outside the store window. "Wait a minute. That looks like…"

He whipped his head around towards the bewildered blonde sheltering behind him, before pushing him roughly to the ground. "STAY AWAY FROM ME!" he thundered, his dark eyes suddenly giving way to the dangerous crimson ellipses of the Mangekyou Sharingan.

Naruto gaped like a goldfish, but no sound came out. "Teme, what's gotten into you? Itachi has his own TV show now, he won't make you obsess over him for hundreds of episodes anymore! It must have been a rotten tomato from lunch…." Naruto tried to put his arm round his agitated teammate's shoulders but for some strange reason, his actions only caused the watching crowd to snigger.

"Don't you just love it when a story leaps out of its pages, Jiro?"

"Absolutely, Hiro. Maybe they'll reclassify the book as non-fiction now!"

"Teme! What the h*ll…" Naruto's voice died away as he too, finally realised the posters behind them.

"No, everyone it's not like that! I swear, dattebayo! Teme, look I promise you there's NOTHING between us – alright I may have kept one of your Uchiha hand warmers, and a pair of your old pink plastic shuriken, and those chopstick wrappers from the times we used to go eat Ichiraku Ramen after every morning training session, plus a pair of your old Captain Ramen underwear with the frilly yellow bow in front…but apart from that, I swear I am NOT obsessed with you…no, come back…COME BACK! Oh, that Ero-Sennin, I'm going to kill him…!"

Chuckling amongst the crowd as he watched a frantic Naruto chase after an incensed Sasuke, his sharp ears also catching the distant banging sounds Sakura was making; Kakashi quietly decided that although it wasn't really his cup of reading material, he really ought to put in an order for Jiraiya's new 'Dangerous Love' series. After all, with those lovely Sai-drawn posters of Naruto and Sasuke entangled in a compromising position involving ramen and tomatoes, how could it fail to be a bestseller?

* * *

"So Natsu…our readers are dying to know. Haruno Sakura: Love at first sight or love at first fight?"

"Uhhh…"

"COOL! Now moving on, if you were the last person on Earth and all the hopes of Mankind's repopulation rested on you, who would you choose: Haruno Sakura or Gray Fullbuster?"

"That's hardly comparable…!"

"COOL! Next question. Is it true you only agreed to star in How I Met Your Kaa-San after Gray Fullbuster turned down your New Year's Eve proposal atop the Fairy Tail Guild at the stroke of midnight?"

"NO! Now wait a second…"

"COOOOOLLLLLL! Is it also true then, that Haruno Sakura forces you to wear an Uchiha Sasuke mask every time there is a kiss scene?"

"NO!"

"And a Hatake Kakashi mask for any sex scenes?"

Natsu slammed his fist on the table, his dark eyes blazing as Jason excitedly scribbled on his flowery purple notepad. "NO COMMENT!" he exploded, grabbing the reporter by the scruff of his silly flowered shirt and shaking him furiously. "Ask me any more questions and I'll give you such a roasting there'll only be ashes for your mum to pick up!"

"CO-OOOO-LLLL! No need to get so fired up, just COOL down, Natsu! Now look here: one, two, three, COOOLLLLL!" The Dragon Slayer's evident hostility was lost on Jason, as his only response was to grab the camera hanging around his neck, temporarily blinding Natsu as he clicked, snapped and flashed repeatedly, his hands shaking so much with excitement he could hardly hold it straight. There were even a few tears of joy streaming down his face.

"And the last question is our winning entry from loyal Weekly Sorcerer's reader Laxus Dreyar: Natsu, why Sakura? There was a suspicious scribble underneath that looked like "Why not me?" but there was a large mayonnaise stain over it so we chose to give him the benefit of the doubt."

By now, Natsu's patience was wearing thin and he'd never been a big fan of Jason; who'd always published nasty little "NaLu" articles in the weekly digest and printed high resolution photos of all the buildings, houses and ice-cream stands he'd ever destroyed. "Why Sakura?" he hummed mock-thoughtfully, pretending to scratch his chin. Forcing a fake cheesy grin on his face, he flashed a thumbs' up at the excitable reporter. " Na Jason, you know I'm an honest guy. Your readers deserve the truth. And the truth is…I'm a man on a mission. A pink mission." He chuckled evilly, rubbing his hands together in glee while Jason only stared at him, starry-eyed and drooling as he hung onto his every word.

"I have a dream…and it is to build a pink empire. With my lovely pink-haired wife, we're going to give birth to five million pink-haired children and form our very own pink army so that we can rule over both Konoha and Magnolia. I call this part Pink-minator: Rise of the Pinks. Our five million pink-haired children will give birth to another five million pink-haired children and eventually, we'll have enough pink children to save the world from the Blond-pocalypse, and repopulate the world from pink-scratch. This phase of the plan is known as Pink-minator: Salvation. We'll have stores selling pink candy and pink ramen, and everyone will have to wear pink leotards or face death by pinkfire. I'll have a crown of pink sugar and my queen will have one of pink guava. I'll be known as the Pink-kage, and we'll rule on the Pink-Iron Throne for all pink-ternity. It's time us pinks took our own future into our hands and rose against the tyranny and oppression your blondes and brunettes have been throwing at us for years – We demand equal rights! We demand that pinkettes be recognised as an official word in the dictionary, and we demand more than one brand of shampoo for pink-haired people! I'm sure Sakura can tell you that we're both tired of using Strawberry Sweet Scent since the day we were born…And, I can exclusively reveal that THIS was the true last wish and testament of Igneel, the great Fire Dragon, the real reason why he mandated me to find a pink-haired girl to be my wife."

A deathly silence followed his pronouncement, and Natsu felt satisfied that the shock from his answer had at least rendered Jason mute for one precious minute. The reporter just stared at him, his eyes bulging before bursting out, "COOL, COOL, COOOOLLLLLLLL!". The Dragon Slayer stared, his annoyance melting into surprise as Jason started scribbling so hard, his pencil lead broke and hit him on the nose. The crazy blonde reporter kissed the book, before standing up and waving his outstretched hand in front of Natsu's face.

"_Arigato_, Natsu! I'm sure everyone including uh Sakura will find this very interesting. I wish you all the best in carrying out your pink mission! Maybe if I bought a pink wig you would spare me from Your Royal Pink-nesses's pink justice?"

* * *

The next day, he received an arrest warrant from the Magic Council for defying the ruling authority by falsely claiming discrimination of hair colour and conspiring to achieve world domination by colour-motivated means.

Snickering, Natsu rolled up the piece of paper and replaced the toilet roll hanging with it. "Happy, you can use the toilet now!"

* * *

The clearing outside Hokage Tower had been completely transformed. The usually barren landscape was now a mass of tents and stalls erected in anticipation of the night's festivities, with colourful paper lanterns and streamers strung around the enclosure. Teuchi was ladling bowls of steaming takeaway Ichiraku ramen for a crowd of hungry chūnin, while further down the wonderful frying smell of yakisoba curled through the air, making everyone's stomach growl eagerly. Shinobi and civilians were already trooping in by the droves, with many stopping to buy a helium Natsu, Naruto or (shock horror!), Gai balloon.

"Wahhhh!" Lucy looked around in wonder, her eyes shining as she took in the sights, sounds and stalls around, multi-coloured lights glowing softly in the evening light. "It's really pretty!"

Slipping his arm around her shoulders, Gray felt his heart soften a little at her rapturous expression. "I'll buy you a Gray balloon if you buy me a Sakura one, how about that?" he teased. Blushing furiously, she giggled. "You don't really want your head literally up in the clouds do you? Plus I'd sooner buy a Natsu one! Speaking of Natsu, where is he?"

Right on cue, the pink-haired Dragon Slayer emerged from the rapidly growing throngs of people, his arms piled sky-high with dozens of little plates, packets and cups of food. There were at least ten sticks shoved in his mouth for maximum food-carrying ability, and even a tall box of cotton candy balanced precariously on top of his head. "YAH! The food here is absolutely amazing!" he enthused, only it came out as "Thr fszh urmg urz urbsehlurshgly urfhmurghzheng!" thanks to the sticks in his mouth. Erza, who was munching on a stick of syrupy dango, closely followed him. "Not bad, but it can't replace strawberry cheesecake."

"It's a traditional Japanese festival," Lucy gushed, savouring the smells of frying noodles and the cries of traders trying to entice shinobis, mages and civilians alike to stop at their stall, snatches of traditional music floating in the air. She spotted Levy and Wendy delicately trying to scoop goldfish using only a flimsy looking paper scooper, the paper rupturing almost as soon as it touched the water. An admiring crowd of civilians were watching a pair of shinobi having a mock-kenjutsu fight, while Inuzuka Kiba was trying to fend off a group of kids who were trying to get on Akamaru's back for a ride. The great white dog gave a long-suffering bark, shaking his shaggy body vigorously and the three little boys fell of his back with a startled 'plop' on the ground. Laughing at their annoyed shouts, she patted the full skirt of her sky-blue kimono. "I feel like I've gone back in time."

To the right, a pink-haired girl in a light pink yukata was hitting a pale brunette dressed in a mid-riff top with a stick of chocolate bananas, while threatening to mutilate him with the leftover stick. "Call me 'hag' again, and I'll guarantee you not even one of _them_ will want you by the time I'm through!" Satisfied, she turned away from the cowering Sai and clutched Sasuke's arm, a starry-eyed look clouding her eyes as she drank in the sight of the tall, handsome dark-haired shinobi; imposing yet elegant in his simple indigo yukata. "Ne Sasuke-kun, shall we…"

"SASUKE-KUN!" A squealing mob of fangirls suddenly steamrollered the Dragon Slayer, trampling and kicking him in their haste to reach the object of their affections (and obsessions). Breathing heavily as he gingerly touched the various heel marks and dirt clumps on his squashed face, Natsu poked his head out and was gratified to see the stampede of girls clinging to the stricken shinobi with vice-like grips, pawing all over his indigo top and skirt. He couldn't stifle a chuckle as he watched the Uchiha thrash wildly for air and smile through gritted teeth, "Hello there, ladies. I hope you missed me because _I've_ missed all of you."

"SASUKE-KUNNNNNNN," they swooned, as he threw in a cheeky wink for good measure. One of them actually fainted, her drool painting a damp trail down his shirt. Sasuke twitched violently, resisting his OCD temptation to wash, dry and disinfect it immediately. They'd better be paying him that sack of tomatoes they'd promised for rehashing his character from Road to Ninja. Damn fangirls.

It wasn't long before things descended into the usual mauling, and Sasuke grimaced miserably as he felt his hair being pulled out, his cheeks squeezed to death, his shirt being ripped. And…were they actually biting his neck?!

"Sasuke-kun," a pretty brunette pouted as she mussed his spiky raven locks, running them loosely through her fingers lovingly. "Why don't you ditch pinky here and join us for the festival? I can guarantee you you'll have a lot more fun and if you're lucky, we can even go back to my place for an _afterparty_." She winked at him, but Sasuke was too busy trying to prevent himself from dying of suffocation from the fangirls' grabbing hands. He finally managed to pry them off before they robbed him of every last piece of clothing and decency he had (no one was getting their grubby hands on his special edition Captain Ramen _**signed**_ underwear with the yellow bowtie in front. _No one._)

"Actually ladies, this pinky here is the angel of my **cough** existence, the salt of my earth and tomato of my life- my lovely teammate Sakura. I love her more than revenge itself."

_5, 4, 3, 2,1._

Predictably, they burst into floods of tears. Hastily covering the huge smirk that was threatening to stretch his lips, Sasuke quickly arranged his features into one of stricken playboy-ish regret.

"OH SASUKE-KUN, WHY….?!"

"BUT WE LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH…!"

"Broad foreheads are sooo out of fashion…"

"I'd like to know that too, Uchiha."

A bored look flashed over Sasuke's face momentarily before it disappeared into a smirking mask. Natsu cracked his knuckles. "I'm not going to let you win her without a fight!"

_Lines that were so clichéd he didn't even need a script to know what came next_. "Come and get her then, if you dare," he taunted, slinging his arm around Sakura.

The pink-haired kunoichi pushed his arms away, her emerald eyes flashing. "I am NOT some prize to be fought over and won!" Glaring at her fellow pinkette, she narrowed her eyes. "Why are you being so annoying? Can't you see I only want to be with Sasuke-kun?"

Natsu ignored her. "YOU'RE ON!" he yelled, pumping his fists. "I challenge you!" He turned his gaze to the motionless shinobi, the mocking edge in his voice mirroring the Uchiha's earlier taunt. "If you dare."

The air was thick with tension, the threats and taunts the two rivals had exchanged left hanging in the air. Silence permeated the room as the two young men squared their shoulders, sizing each other up. Natsu's fists were balled, while Sasuke's jaw was twitching.

Skipping into the camera-frame, Levy smiled straight into it "And you know what this means folks?" She paused.

Suddenly, they both raised their right hands.

"Naruto!"

"Gray!"

"I CHOOSE YOU!"

"That's right folks, it's time for a POKEMON I mean Naruto-Fairy Tail (NFT) battle!"

* * *

Eye to eye.

Wink to glare.

Smirk to snarl.

The clearing outside the Hokage Tower was filled with a ring of cheering shinobi, all eager to witness the victor of what had to be the biggest match-up since Hashirama v Madara. The Hokage had declared it the main event of the festival and everyone, even the civilians had come to watch the entertainment.

Sasuke and Natsu stood at opposing ends of the field, flanked by their three chosen combatants.

"What a charade," Charle sniffed disdainfully, her pretty little nose stuck high up in the air. "And the best part is that none of this is even real!"

Next to her, her blue counterpart merely sighed. "That's why I hope Natsu doesn't get too excited," he whispered, stealing a glance at the Dragon Slayer's gleeful, battle-hyped expression.

"Fat chance of that."

"Any bets on the outcome of the match, Hokage-sama?" Genma grinned as he stood guard beside the busty blonde. "Hatake here just bet a measly 5 ryo on his student, no surprises there!"

The silver-haired jōnin shrugged. "Skill over passion. But the mages are admittedly an unknown quantity. Hence the small bet."

Steepling her fingers, the Hokage thought for a moment before pounding her fist on the ground determinedly. "I bet my entire sake stock on that pinkie! Shizune," she gestured to her assistant. "Bring all the bottles we have down from my office. Screw the elders' sobriety plan - what's a battle without some alcohol to liven things up!"

"That's a wild bet even by your standards, Hokage-sama."

"I guess even an old woman like me still likes to believe that true love will triumph at the end of the day." She sighed theatrically, before nodding at a startled Kakashi. "May the best baka win!"

"This is an NFT battle. In the red corner is Uchiha Sasuke – voted Konoha's Most Popular Obsession five years in a row and current crush of Haruno Sakura. In the blue corner is Natsu Dragneel – voted Fairy Tail's Bottomless Pit five years in a row, and current challenger for Haruno Sakura's affections. Each contestant can use up to three people. No time limit. Let the battle begin!" Levy shouted.

"Choji, I choose you!" Sasuke yelled, jabbing his finger towards the centre of the field.

"RARRRRR!" Choji yelled, hurling forwards as he beat his ample stomach with his fists. Suddenly, he stopped. "Wait, can we stop to have a snack first?"

Natsu smiled cockily. "Don't worry, you'll get a knuckle sandwich, all in good time. Pantherlily, I choose you!"

The Black Exceed strode calmly into the middle of the grassy arena. "I'm ready."

The mainly shinobi audience stared at his tiny stature.

He sighed. "What? You guys haven't seen anything yet."

Sasuke clicked his fingers. "We'll crush your little cat in no time. Choji, Baika no Jutsu (Expansion Jutsu) now!"

Forming the handseals he needed to perform the jutsu, the Akimichi quickly inflated his body to its gigantic proportions as he stared down imposingly at the unflinching Exceed.

Pumping his fist into the air, the roseate Dragon Slayer shouted, "You're not the only one that can turn yourself into a giant beach ball! Lily, Battle Mode Shift!"

The audience gasped as a brilliant light enveloped the Exceed's body, and the little black cat transformed into his original, well-built proportions. He bared his teeth in a feral grin. "Told you."

Levy cheered along with the crowd. "And we're off to a _whopping_ start here, folks! Akimichi Choji gets off the ground with an impressive Baika no Jutsu, but Lily counters with a supersize expansion of his own! What will Sasuke do now?"

"Yea!" Natsu whooped. "Now Lily, let's show them how a real battle should be fought! Use your Musica Sword to cut him down to size!"

Drawing the huge, curved blade from his back, the Exceed swung it wildly towards the Akimichi.

"Gack!" Choji yelled, as the edge nearly grazed his pants.

A small smirk graced his features. "Hn." Turning to Choji, Sasuke commanded, "Mow him down with your Nikudan Sensha!"

Tucking his limbs in to form a large rolling ball, Choji launched himself at the huge Exceed, using chakra to propel himself forwards at enormous velocity. "Nikudan Sensha!"

Pantherlily could only scream as the rolling Choji-ball knocked himself and the giant sword aside like a bowling pin.

"Strike." Sasuke looked satisfied.

"And the first victory goes to Uchiha Sasuke, who's one step closer to winning the battle and the pink-haired girl of his dreams! Which contestant will Natsu Dragneel choose now?"

"Sasuke, Sasuke! He's the one who'll win the day, YAY!"

Shikamaru looked in disbelief at the glittery, pom-pom wielding mob next to him, before shaking his head. "Thank God I'm not popular enough to have my own fangirls. Think about how _mendokusai_ it would be to have to shut them up during every fight." His eyes then nearly popped out as he spotted a hooded Shino waving a pair of pink ones in the thick of the throng.

Natsu's only response was another spirited punch in the air. "You may have had it easy in the first round Uchiha, but I'm all fired up now! Gray, come out to play!"

The bare-chested brunette sighed. "Why me…" He slowly took his place at the centre amid raucous laughter from the male shinobi and adoring screams from the females, many of them Sasuke's fangirls. "We love you, Gray!" "Show off those abs, baby!" The Ice Mage looked bemused.

The Choji-Ball stopped suddenly, before reversing direction and headed straight for him.

"Hey stripper! Do something!"

Gray grit his teeth in irritation. What was he, some sort of Pokémon? Crouching down, he formed the seals and flung his palms on the ground. "Ice Make: Floor!"

A brilliant blue seal enveloped the ground, and the Choji-ball skidded wildly as Choji tried to end the jutsu. But it was too little too late, as he crashed into a thicket of trees at the far end of the arena, slumping to the ground with 'X' marks over his eyes.

"And what a stunning comeback for Natsu Dragneel! Now both Natsu and Sasuke are down to two contestants each, and things look like they're starting to heat up!"

Despite himself, Gray couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips. Absurd as it was, it was kind of fun to kick ninja butt. Even scripted ninja butt.

"Hn. It's not over yet. The Uchiha would rather turn gay than lose! Gai-sensei, I choose you!"

Kakashi stifled a groan as he watched the fuzzy-browed, green-spandex loving jōnin charge forward, a familiar manic glint in his eye. "Dynamic Entry!" he yelled, throwing his right leg forwards into the mage's face with a sweeping kick before Gray had even finished gawking at the strange sight that was Konoha's Sublime Green Beast of Prey.

The Ice Mage spluttered; his eyes running incredulously over the dark-green stretchy jumpsuit that accentuated every angle and plane of his body, the crazy orange leg warmers that stuck out like giant foot pompoms and most (pardon the pun) hair-raising of all: the slick, shiny bowler cut. "What…what are you?!"

Flashing his trademark megawatt smile with an audible 'ping', Maito Gai stuck his thumbs up for his Nice Guy pose. "They call me Konoha's Sublime Green Beast of Prey, Maito Gai!" Surveying his opponent, his beam only stretched wider, "I see that you are proficient in the use of Ice jutsu, but I shall prove to you that it is useless to fight against the Power of Youth!"

A sweat drop ran down Gray's forehead. Was this guy for real?!

Unfortunately, Sasuke wasn't amused. "Stop talking so much, and finish him off with Konoha Senpū," he grunted, sticking his hands into his pockets. He wanted those tomatoes, and he wanted them quickly. Preferably before Director Baka had a chance to write in any more scenes with those accursed, Kami-damn fangirls.

Springing into the air, the jōnin launched into a succession of high and low kicks, shouting, "Konoha Senpū!"

The crowds' cheers increased. "And Sasuke's Maito Gai _kicks_ things off with a devastating Leaf Whirlwind! It looks like our favourite Ice Mage's chances of victory have just been swept away - can Gray find a way to fight back against the storm?"

"WHOO! Sasuke, Sasuke he's our man! If he can't do it no one can! Goooooo Sasuke!"

Natsu bared his teeth. "Gray, return! Happy, I choose you!"

"Ehhh, Natsu!" the Blue Exceed squealed as Charle looked at him in disbelief. "I thought you were going to use Gajeel!"

The camera panned to a cowering Gajeel, trembling violently behind Natsu as he shielded his eyes, little whimpers escaping him at intermittent intervals. Cracking open one eye, he caught sight of a curious Gai peering almost politely at him, before letting out another small scream. The Dragon Slayer sighed. "Gajeel's got a phobia of bodysuits, let alone _green, stretchy __**spandex**_ ones…something about the tightness of the clothing… I'm sorry, Happy. Now, use…" he stopped to scratch his nose. "Actually, what attacks _do_ you have?"

"Come fight me, o youthful blue cat of Fairy Tail!" Gai boomed, taking giant strides towards the trembling Happy. "My hot blooded passion is impatient to battle one so small, yet surely powerful! Come test yourself against the epitome of youthful enthusiasm!"

"NATSU, HELP ME!" The Exceed wailed as Gai began to chase him around and around the grassy arena.

"Do not run from my youthful challenge! To prove my sincerity, I shall pursue you on my hands until you succumb!"

The tiny blue cat barely had time to look up before being freaked out by Gai's grinning face, as the upside-down jōnin speedily gained on him albeit "running" on his two hands.

"AAAHHHH!" he yelled, frantically searching his body for anything that could be used to distract the fuzzy green terror. Opening his little green backpack, he started flinging its contents at the oncoming Gai, not even pausing to look at what exactly he was throwing.

"Oh ho!" Gai yelled delightedly, as he kicked away a juicy red crab followed by a light purple octopus. "You have succumbed to my advances!" he cried, enthusiastically kicking two small tuna fish, three oranges and five prawns into the screaming crowd. "Very well, I shall return the favour!"

"NATSU!" Happy wailed, as he realised that he was completely out of seafood armoury save for last week's lunch. Praying for a miracle, he flung it at the grinning shinobi. Gai was gaining on him: he was 20, 15, 10, 5…then a mere salmon's throw away from him. He reached out a hand…

"Konoha Daisenp…OOF!"

The crowd gasped as a giant salmon fish smacked Gai across the face, causing him to stumble. "Ack!" he gasped. "The smell…." A loud thud sounded as he keeled over.

A shocked silence ensued, as Erza counted to three. "Maito Gai is unable to battle. The winner is Happy!"

"YEAH, WE DID IT!" Natsu cheered, dancing around the spot. "DOO DOO DOO DOO!"

A stunned Happy stood motionless in the centre as the crowd chanted his name, before sinking to his knees and bowing his head to the ground in reverence. The Gods of Fish had been merciful- they'd spared him the agony of being _touched_ by the Sublime Green Beast of Prey.

"Unbelievable!" Levy shouted. "Maito Gai is defeated in what could be the _fishiest_ victory of today's tournament- last week's rotten salmon! So both Natsu and Sasuke are down to their last contestant- who will Sasuke choose now?"

The Uchiha closed his eyes as he clasped his hands tightly. "It's all up to you now, buddy. I'm counting on you," he whispered to himself. Turning back to the arena, he shouted, "Naruto, I choose you!"

The crowd roared its approval at his choice, screaming and clapping enthusiastically for the village hero. A loud 'bang' sounded and the smoke cleared to reveal…

Tonton.

"EH?!" Sasuke stared. "What happened to Naruto?!"

The little pink pig merely stared right back at him. "Buhi buhi buhi, buhi buhi buhi!"

The crowd began to mutter. "What on earth is she saying?" Genma whispered to Shizune. The jonin medic cocked her head.

"I think she said Naruto's in the bathroom- too much ramen."

"She doesn't seem too upset about it."

"His favourite flavour was pork."

Genma's senbon twitched.

A somewhat bemused Levy continued her commentary. "We're almost at the end folks, of what has been a titanic battle for superiority, world domination, and the heart of a beautiful kunoichi! It has come down to these two brave, gallant competitors: Happy versus Tonton. To the winner we declare the strongest warrior of Konoha and Magnolia; to the victor do we give the spoils of war: the hand of the beautiful Haruno Sakura-san! May the best animal wi…."

A loud CRASH resounded around the clearing, and a creepy sounding soundtrack suddenly blared out of nowhere; the eerie strains of a minor chord drowning out the frightened shrieks and screams of the crowd. The assembled spectators began to choke as huge puffs of smoke began filling the clearing, obscuring everything in sight. A spotlight shone down in the middle of the arena, illuminating the thin, long-haired figure basking in its glow. His pale yellow eyes gleaming with malevolence; he ran his forked tongue across his mouth as he hungrily surveyed the great crowd before him.

"So many people, so many new bodies ripe for the taking!" The snake-like shinobi laughed cruelly, rubbing his hands in gleeful anticipation. He bared his tongue again. "You didn't think you could deny me Sasuke forever, could you?"

"Orochimaru," Tsunade spat, leaping to her feet. "What do YOU want?"

Orochimaru chose to ignore his former teammate, fixing his eyes instead on the silent shinobi standing a few metres away from her, his dark eyes cool and collected and his mouth a grim line. Only the slight tenseness of his broad shoulders betrayed a hint of anything he was feeling. "You owe me a body, Sasuke. And I've come to collect it."

"I defeated you once, and I have no hesitation in doing so again. I have no need of your power any more." The camera panned to the Uchiha, who automatically plunged his hand to his back, reaching for his trusted blade, Kusanagi. To his horror, his fingers closed on empty air. _You wouldn't bring a shiny giant sword to a summer festival, would you? _His conscience chided lightning chakra at his fingertips, he shouted, "Chidori!" rushing through the panicking crowd towards Orochimaru.

The earth beneath his feet suddenly opened and Sasuke found himself face to face with an enormous, ten-foot long purple snake. Orochimaru's great snake summon, Manda.

It opened its great mouth, hissing in triumph and giving Sasuke a glimpse of its deadly fangs. Great and white, at least a foot long, and sharp enough to rip a man to pieces in one vicious bite.

"Begone, you evil creature not born of youth and passion! Maito Gai has arrived to save Konoha!"

"Gai, no!"

Before Sasuke could even move a muscle, the giant snake had already opened its fangs of doom and swallowed the onrushing Gai evilly in apparent satisfaction, the snake soon turned its attention to the motionless Sasuke, who was still staring almost stupidly at the spot where Gai had just been two seconds ago. A warning snap of its jaws jolted him back to reality.

"Sasuke!" Snapping his head around, he saw Kakashi frantically beckon him. He rushed to his sensei, blood pounding in his head. "We need Naruto to summon Gamabunta," Sasuke replied, breathing heavily. "Taka's too small to take Manda on his own, that's the only way to defeat him."

"I would, but Naruto's in the toilet remember…URGH!"

A horrible stench soon washed over both shinobi, and Sasuke looked up; although he was starting to feel very faint and the action only made him feel sicker. "Did that bl**dy snake just BURP on us?" he asked incredulously.

Kakashi's eye began to slide shut, even as the jōnin fought desperately to stay awake. "There's some kind of knockout-gas in the snake's burp! Sasuke…I can't…" his head fell forward and he started snoring deeply and within seconds, he was soon joined by his student.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI! SASUKE-KUN!" Fear gripped Sakura's heart as she saw her two teammates slump to the ground, evidently out for the count. At the sound of her scream, Orochimaru turned to her. He glanced over her almost amusedly. "You're feisty. I like feisty, and although you're not Sasuke, you'd make a good bod…"

But just as she was reaching for the explosive tags and kunai concealed beneath her yukata, a pink, black and gold blur suddenly leapt in front of her. "If you want to get her, you have to beat me first!"

Orochimaru hissed delightedly. "And who are you?"

Natsu stood straight, his white scaly scarf flapping dramatically in the wind. "Natsu Dragneel, Fire Dragon Slayer and a mage of Fairy Tail. And that's my _nakama_ you're threatening," he growled, clenching his fist.

The Sannin only laughed again. "So you're not a shinobi. Very well, I've never fought a mage before so this could be interesting…but I'm in a hurry to get to a makeover appointment, so just hand over Sakura and you needn't get hurt."

"Never." A familiar resolute determination flashed through his eyes, as his hands started forming those familiar seals. "I always swear to protect my _nakama_ no matter what and for Sakura, who's so much more than a _nakama_…," he turned away, a slight blush staining his cheeks. "For Sakura…I'd gladly die for her." His eyes quickly darted to hers, before flicking back to stare determinedly at their enemies.

Her heart skipped a beat.

"Fool!" Orochimaru laughed, his hands also starting to form Seals. "We'll see who…"

Cupping his hands, Natsu roared, "Fire Dragon Slayer Magic: Fire Dragon's Roar!" A giant fireball swept over the Sannin and the great purple snake; engulfing everything in its path in a blazing wave of orange fury.

"Noooo!" Crumpling to the ground, he closed his eyes and sniffed disgustedly, burning bits of Manda's body raining down around him as the great snake exploded in a shower of sparks. His hoarse voice descended into a furious whisper, "I will get revenge, I will get Sasuke! Sasuke…is…mine…"

"CUT!"

Everyone turned to Director Baka. "What was wrong with that take?!" Natsu spread his arms indignantly. "I thought it was perfect! It was passionate, it was dramatic, it was…"

"…the worst acting I've seen in my entire life!"

"WHAT?!" The casts' indignant cry was as one.

The fat man sulked, a huge pout on his bulgy face, making him look more like an overgrown pig than ever.

Natsu thumped the floor. "But we were just doing what you told us to!" he raged.

"Maybe if you didn't use popsicle snakes…" Gray muttered, as he slowly wheeled the giant ice statue of Manda he had just constructed and sprayed purple towards the set in preparation for the second take.

"And lazy cloud-watching villains…"

_Mendokusai_, Shikamaru thought miserably as beads of sweat poured down his forehead, trickling into his eyes and making him blink. Although the rubber Orochimaru facemask and the rest of the costume were fireproof, it was sticking uncomfortably to his skin, and the sweat wasn't helping matters. _It was already so hot in here in that stupid suit without the dragon boy heating things up further_. _I can't believe they couldn't afford to hire Orochimaru to play his own part with the millions of ryo they're making per episode! _

"And use the dobe's sh*t as a major ingredient in Manda's burp," Sasuke cursed, fanning himself vigorously. He was adamant that his clothes would smell of Naruto for days – and not a part of him that he wanted to be reminded of! Beside him, Kakashi serenely read Icha Icha Romance, smiling as he reminded himself of another reason to be eternally grateful for the mask covering his face.

Director Baka remained stubborn. "Never mind the props, I'm getting paid a million bucks to make a show that will make ALL the fangirls and old ladies reach for their handkerchiefs and order a thousand more Natsu plushies to dry their tears on," he huffed. "But the acting was so bad I didn't shed a single tear during that entire scene, and THAT's supposed to be the climax.

"Hey, it's not our fault that the audience is going to have to read between some _really bad_ lines…"

"Just get on with it!" he sulked. "This show is going to make me famous, and I won't have you bakas ruining it!"

As everyone scrambled back into position, Levy called out. "How I Met Your Kaa-San, Episode 10, Scene 29, Take 1- ACTION!"

"Natsu." The Dragon Slayer turned around at the sound of her voice, still breathing heavily from the exertion of the previous action sequence.

Sakura was looking at him warily. Her hair was swept messily to the side, and her yukata was dark with smoke stains. Flecks of dirt dotted her already-pale complexion. No one looking at her now would have called her beautiful.

Yet, he felt an awkward flush start to creep up his neck so he responded by flashing her his trademark grin. "I told you I always protect my _nakama_."

The next thing he knew, Sakura had walked straight up to him and placed a hand gently on his cheek, her touch smooth and cool. "Did you really mean what you said earlier?"

From the side of the set, Sasuke barely stifled another yawn. _The moment they'd all been waiting for. The cliché oops climax of the show. _

"I…did."

And there it was. The moment he'd been dreading. Beads of cold sweat began to dot Natsu's face, and he saw Sakura momentarily flash him a quizzical look as the hand he had placed around her waist began to shiver and shake uncontrollably. "Ano…uh…." he stuttered, the normally rambunctious Fire Mage suddenly at a loss for words as his brain decided to take off on a holiday to Tenrou Island.

There was an awkward pause, in which Natsu felt like everyone on set could hear his heart pounding out of his chest.

The wind blew.

Choji crunched.

Kakashi flipped a page.

Gray coughed.

Erza sniffed.

Sasuke yawned.

The silence dragged on.

Like everyone else, Sakura seemed puzzled into silence but pretty soon she poked him in the ribs. "What's wrong? Get on with it, will you?!" she hissed furiously.

He gulped. Long and hard.

"Hey are we going to be done before breakfast tomorrow? Because Akamaru wants to take a p*ss!" Kiba howled from the background.

Finally after another agonizing silence, Natsu sighed in resignation and dipped his head as he pulled her closer.

She drew back.

"Your breath stinks. Do you smoke, by the way?"

"It's the fire I eat," he snapped back, his fraying nerves almost stretched to breaking point. Suddenly, he just wanted to get it over with so that he could go back to Fairy Tail, go back to Igneel, go back to his comfortable cave, and bed and eat ice-cream with Happy and forget about Sakura, forget about Konoha, forget about Fat Directors and forget that anything like this TV Show had ever happened. He was sick of her, sick of them, sick of everyone.

She shut her eyes. He obediently did the same.

Suddenly, she opened them again. "No longer than five seconds."

He stared incredulously at her. "Five?! I was thinking three."

"Three?! What can you do in three seconds?"

"Exactly. Nothing."

"Then what's the point?!"

"That's the point, nothing!"

"Look, if you're just stalling because you don't know how to…"

Losing patience, he finally grabbed her back and pushed her against him. She was so close, her warm breath was on his mouth and he could feel her heart beating as violently against her chest as his probably was. There was a roaring sound in his ears drowning out everyone and everything else on set but her.

_Just a little bit more…_

But before their lips touched, a loud shout sounded behind them.

"WAAAAAIIIIIIIITTTT!"

They jumped aside immediately. Natsu touched a finger to his mouth, a slight sense of mingled…disappointment(?) and anti-climax washing over him . _So close, yet…_

"What is it?" Director Baka roared, finally at the end of his patience. Two months filming on location in a remote hidden village with hundreds of trained assassins living mere feet away from you did that to a person.

Poor Wendy swallowed. "_Sumimasen_, Director-sama…but the TV Tokyo producers just called. They're cancelling the show."

A deathly silence.

Then all hell broke loose.

Amid Director Baka's anguished screams, Sasuke and Naruto's hearty cheers, Akamaru's excited barks, Gray and Lucy's high fives and a whole other cacophony of jubilant noise making; Natsu gathered that a society called the WNDHAOS had paid them 100 million ryo to discontinue the show.

"But how on earth did they get the money to buy off TV Tokyo?" Erza asked, astonished. "How I Met Your Kaa-San was making millions of ryo!"

Wendy peered at the scroll she had been given. "It says here they managed to raise 100 million ryo by selling all of their 10,000 Natsu T-Shirts, 20,000 Natsu fluffy toys, 50000 Natsu bra sets, 5000 boxes of Natsu tooth floss, 8000 Natsu pencil shavers, 25000 Natsu toilet cleaners, 900000 Natsu fire extinguishers, 50000 anti-Lucy machine guns." The young Dragon Slayer paused for breath. "And 890,576,342 Barbie Natsu dolls?" she finished, giggling.

"Haihhhhh, thank Kami!" Natsu flopped down to the ground in relief, wiping the sweat of his brow while Director Baka howled and wept next to him of lost fame and sunken fortunes. "Good timing, Wendy!" he cheered. "And just before we had to kiss as well!" He cheerfully turned to his pink-haired co-star, who was sitting next to him. "Na, Sakura?"

"Ano, Natsu…" she suddenly trailed off and to his surprise, it was her turn to blush now.

"Sakura?"

Fidgeting, the red blush continued to suffuse her cheeks. "Actually…" she took a deep breath. "I know the show was stupid and I was quite relieved we didn't have to kiss in the end but I actually think it was a waste that we left a good story unfinished and well…I enjoyed it." By the end, her words were tumbling over each other and she wondered if he even understood a quarter of what she was saying. _There, she said it._

He goggled at her, his jaw sagging to the ground. "Why?!" he asked weakly.

She chuckled a little sadly, and shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose it's because Sasuke…well no one, really, has ever properly liked me or made so much effort to chase me in real life. It's stupid and cliché but it actually made me feel…special. Like I was someone that could actually be loved." The medic started twisting her fingers over her pink apron skirt. She could feel her cheeks heating up again. "Never mind, you probably don't understand."

The Dragon Slayer remained dumbstruck for several long seconds. Inner Sakura started throwing kunai, shuriken, kusarigama and exploding tags at her, while simultaneously pounding her head against Hokage Mountain. _Why why why why why?!_

After a pregnant pause, he turned back to her, a playful grin on his face stretching from ear to ear. "Sakura…do you like happy endings?"

The kunoichi looked confused. "Well yes…why?"

And in full view of everyone, before she even had time to blink, Natsu had briefly pressed his lips to hers before quickly pulling away. "Yup, so do I," he grinned, his eyes quickly meeting her startled emerald gaze before flicking downwards in embarrassment. "And I hate to leave a good story unfinished too."

Sakura smiled at him, the first real smile he'd seen her give since the day he'd first bumped into her at Yamanaka Florists and Natsu felt his grin grow that much bigger and his day that much brighter.

Mirajane gave a silent squeal of happiness, while Gray and Lucy smiled at each other. "Our Natsu's all grown up," Erza nodded, looking proudly at the pinkette pair. "I do love a good old fashioned love story." Happy turned hopefully to Charle, but the pink Exceed only turned up her nose at him. "Not everyone can have a Happy ending." The little blue cat drooped.

Taking his hand, Sakura pulled him to his feet. "So you're a very free Dragon Slayer now aren't you?" she murmured, slipping her arm through his and smiling up at him as contentedly as a Hokage with her gambling chips.

Beaming back at her, Natsu quickly looked around for his teammates but they only waved back at him and made shoo-ing gestures, sporting knowing grins on their faces. Gray winked at him. "We'll probably return to Fiore tomorrow but I've got tonight free, at least."

"Good, because I think I never got a chance to know you beyond you spouting some cheesy lines to win my affections and convince me to be your pinkie wife so that I can give you five million pinkie brats. If you want those pinkie brats, you have to earn them the hard way."

He laughed. "And if we have time after that, I want to tell you about this brilliant new idea for a TV show I thought about the other day. It's about a pink-haired boy that marries a pink-haired girl and together, they set out to achieve world domination and peace by building their very own pink empire…"

* * *

**A/N:** IT'S FINALLY OVER. Phew that was almost 24,000 words in total – the longest I've ever written and the equivalent of an Honours thesis. I know I said that Chapter 2 would be up a week after Chapter 1, but to be honest it was a lot more difficult than I initially expected and this is the product of more than three rewrites and many late nights over more than two months. Many thanks for putting up with my senseless humour, hope it put a few smiles on your face

PS My apologies for the implied SasuNaru and Natsu/Gray, it's really not meant to be taken seriously. And the KakaSaku references and Sai bashing, I really couldn't help it. There are also a couple of deleted scenes from the alternative ending I wrote, which I had earlier published but later took down, so if there's enough interest I might put it up in the future.

**Jap vocab:**

Yare yare- Geez

Ohaiyou gozaimasu/ohaiyou – Good morning

Dewa mata – Good morning (more formal)

Arigatou gozaimasu – Thank you very much

Mada mada – Enough

Anko dumplings – Red bean dumplings

Yakiniku – Barbecue

Takoyaki – Grilled octopus balls

Bijuu – Tailed Beast

Baika no Jutsu – Expansion Jutsu

Nikudan Sensha - Leaf Style Taijutsu: Human Bullet Tank

Konoha Senpu – Leaf Whirlwind

Yakisoba – A type of fried Japanese noodles

Sumimasen – Excuse me


End file.
